Comfort in pain ;

2005-12-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright
I'm in your heart tonight

> gone so young; amber pacific
im addicted

2005-12-06T23:22:00.000+08:00

whee i had such a good time today.
thanks ALINE CHARMAINE EVLINhotnuts NATALIEcoolbeans!
bunch of retards! haha(:
watched aeon flux which is damn gross seriously.
the ear part was freaky shit.
she bit the ear ring and PULLED downwards.
guess what happened.
ahh. i shall not wear hoops for a while.
walked around a bit then left for class
emelyn chew came!!
and bob the builder was there!!! (((:
haha okay anyway.
maths was alright.
oh then went for dinner with charmaine and family and friends
interesting talk.
and you know what!
charmaine used to call her mommy EVERYDAY in p1 and p2!
until right she said to her mommy,
MOMMY I THINK I SHOULD BRING THE HOUSE PHONE TO SCHOOL BECAUSE IM SPENDING A LOT OF MONEY USING PUBLIC PHONE.
how cute is that.
hahaha!

2005-12-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

i am b o r e d. and charmaine chew made me do it.

In no particular order,
list down
3 people you talk to online,
4 people you see at school,
2 teachers,
3 people you love going out with
and 3 people in your sms inbox.

1. jeanette
2. aline
3. tpy
4. charmaine ng
5. ms han
6. evlin
7. charmaine chew
8. clare
9. bonnie
10. chloe
11. patricia
12. natalie
13. tricia
14. alyssa
15. catherine

So what do you think of number 4?
charmaine ng
i think she's the sweetest nicest girl i know
im lucky to have her as a friend(:

How would you feel if number 4 slapped you on your face?
charmaine ng
i'd be hurt! but she wouldnt cos she's too nice

How nice is number 6?
evlin
TOO NICE!!

On a scale of 1-10, rate how good looking number 5 is.
ms han
OOH. nine half.

Will you ever fall for number 11?
patricia
if i were a guy, YEAH! haha(:

Honestly, if number 8 met with an accident, what would you do?
clare
i'd cry like shit! my sister!!!

What sport would you play with number 12?
natalie
running, swimming. damn fit!

What if number 1 got a boyfriend?
jeanette
i'll be so happy for her man. i hope its SOON! haha.

Do you hate number 9?
bonnie
ohmygod. FAR FROM IT! i love her so much!

How much do you like number 2?
aline
SO MUCH SO MUCH! I LOVE MY TWIN A LOT!

Will 13 and 7 make a good couple?
tricia and charmaine chew
OOH YEAH! hahaha.

Would 14 one day kill you?
alyssa
hmm maybe, she kidnapped me before.
haha no lah, she's much too nice to do that.

Who do you like more? 3 or 10?
tpy and chloe
ooh definitely TEN!

get five people to do this thing.
see the earlier post.

2005-12-05T23:10:00.000+08:00

ahh. im very very late but who cares.

Rules of the game;
Post five random or weird things about you.
At the end, put five people you want to do this.
Tag their blogs to inform them.

#01
when i clean my lenses in the morning, my lens case, cleaner and saline and their caps have to be in one straight row. as in, very straight. if not i'll adjust it. then there's a fixed position for each one and a fixed pattern to move the things. i've been doing that everyday for about three years i think.

#02
i love salt. like a lot. i need to put salt in almost everything i eat. there's no such thing as too much salt, and most food just dont taste good without salt. and when i eat at a place that has salt on the table i will put the salt in front of me. DONT STEAL MY SALT. i shall be very sad.

#03
when i get a book i will flip the pages in fornt of my face and breathe in the smell. thats what i do at bookshops. dont stare at me and wonder what im doing. i just like the smell and the wind.

#04
i play with my fingers a lot. i twist them around and everything. all the time. and put them in a funny position. im very afraid one day i might just dislocate my fingers.

#05
i hate toilets in the airplane. i am terrified of them because the flush is very very loud and sudden. so right, i will stand very far from the flush, press it and then run for my life.

five people.
i have a pathetic social life and i dont know five people who would do this silly thing.

2005-12-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

dear charmaine,

happy fourteenth birthday dear friend.
thanks for being the greatest friend i could ever ask for all these years
you'll always be my one and only mean gay retarded brother
thanks for the all the fun joy laughter you've brought to my life
i love you so much you cant imagine <3

love, jessica

towned with charmaine birthday girl! and nat today(:
the whole time was filled with laughter and smiles
towned like the whole stretch of orchard
ate and ate and ate
cake, ice cream, mocha frappe, fries
thank you both of you.
you've made my day awesome.
went back to charmaine's house for dinner and all
she had cake smashed on her face
TWICE.
poor girl.
but it was the funniest sight i swear.
TO HAVE CAKE SMASHED ON YOUR FACE.
how cool's that man.
not that i want of course.
but its cool to WATCH.
okay anyway.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARMAINE!

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you;
I don't know
I don't know

2005-11-29T18:31:00.000+08:00

dang.
this stupid taxi driver thought i was a maid.
thats right.
A MAID.
WHO WAS GOING BACK TO HER HOMETOWN.
i swear i could kill that taxi driver.
bitch.

DO I LOOK LIKE A MAID TO YOU??
hrmph.
thanks for spoiling my day.
oh yeah and on sunday, this stupid guy SHOVED ME OUT OF THE TRAIN.
and gave me a dirty look.
i was like WTF. and stared back.
bitch.
and then in the toilet, this woman cut my queue
she just pushed her fat lump of shit body past me and into the toilet.
bitch.
today is bitch week man.

anyway, goodbye to singapore and its stupid taxi drivers and inconsiderate people.
for errm. four days.
(:

2005-11-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
This is over my head but underneath my feet
'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
whydidyouletmedown
hrrm. my heart's ripped in two
caught between doing what i should.
and what i want to.

2005-11-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

Cause he lives inside
A fairy tale sand castle now
And there's room inside
For false expectations and illusions

I LOVE HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE!!!
ahh. i know im slow but anyway
its the greatest movie ever!
wheee.
cedric is HOT STUFF.
but he DIED.
how sad is that.
i cried and cried and cried and kept crying.
)))):
but the show is bloody good.
every moment is gripping
fantastic.
i wanna watch again!
okay, i NEED to watch again again and again.
i HAVE to watch it many many more times over.
anybody with me??

2005-11-24T17:03:00.000+08:00

its good to be back.
but africa was nothing short of amazing.
apart from a few problems here and there, it was just PERFECT
heaven on earth, people say.
and i must say that is very true.

2005-11-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
why am i so boredd.
charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
TEEHEE (:
charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
hahaha, i crack myself up.

charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
TEEHEE so cute lah.
charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
i cant stand it.
charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
i have to sit it.
charmaine, you will always be the sunshine in my life says:
HAHAHA.

now i know how she cracks herself up.

god poke. youre an entertaining kid! (:

2005-11-15T02:09:00.000+08:00

love will bring you back

swensens with aline catherine charmaine charmaine
a sweet bunch
thank you for the wonderful time spent
talking and talking
then walked round town with aline and catherine
paragon(:
sprayed perfume all over which made it hard to breathe
me and twin finally found our pouch
after days of searching.
and i love it!
im going on a RED EYE flight. (:

i'll miss everyone
for a long nine days
<3

2005-11-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

CHARMAINE CHEW, my dear bro wants FLIPPERS. i repeat. FLIPPERS. its on her wishlist.

you made everything so much better. just by making me smile(:
thanks a lot.
dont you worry, you'll find a PAIR OF LARGE BRIGHT YELLOW FLIPPERS underneath your christmas tree.

2005-11-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

i love you so much from one end of the rainbow to the other

god its so sweet i'll get diabetes(:
thank you.

2005-11-11T12:34:00.000+08:00

feeling like a fool cos i let you down
now its too late to turn it around

sorry cant ever be enough

2005-11-09T16:24:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU CHARMAINE DEAR.
THE BLOG LOOKS NICE!(:
YOURE THE SWEETEST!
THANKS AGAIN!

2005-11-09T02:04:00.000+08:00

oh my god.
i cant believe im playing GUESS THE MAGIC WORD.
and fighting over the copyrights to retarded words.
and the copyrights are MINE(((:

thanks a lot my dear
you really do make me happy

2005-11-07T18:51:00.000+08:00

i would like to make a declaration.

I LOVE MY TWIN SO MUCH SO MUCH. YOU CANT IMAGINE HOW MUCH. <3

thank you, now.
we went for a movie at ps today
with a stranger
but we sat at tp mrt station talking for the longest time before going ps
watched CELLO
the bloody stupidest show around
i was so scared the entire show
twin was pinching my jacket like siao
and singing the chicken little song
and then at the end they tell me its all a DREAM
i thought they banned writing stories that ended like:
but it was all a nightmare.

went for thai express after that
tomyum was good good good.
but that place freaking gives me the creeps
i have no idea why.
such a terrible, horrible feeling.
walked and walked and walked. then went home.
thank you TWIN! and STRANGER!
i love you a lot!

2005-11-06T19:10:00.000+08:00

captain's ball!
i think i really love the game!
went with ALINE EVLIN AND BONNIE to bonnie's church
TPCMC!
at first a bit weird but the people there are really nice
we were part of X-TEAM
me, aline, evlin, xinpei, zhixiang, edwin, david, marcus
so anyway we played three games!
and lost three!
the guys were freaking tall!
i couldnt even throw the ball.
just ran around like some idiot.
but had loads and loads of fun!((:
twin! next week again, alright?
and BONNIE! must play next week! must must must!
poke came along after her band.
went for dinner but aline couldnt make it.
nice dinner.
realised that SALT JUST MAKES FOOD TASTE SO MUCH BETTER
i cant get enough of salt. really.
in other words, I LOVE SALT!

i think i've gone bonkers.

anyway, today was shopping with my dad
i love my dad!((:
such a generous dad.
then coffee at starbucks
MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO
how i love you so.
wei hsien! you are a silly shy kid((:
stuffing like a million tictacs into your mouth
what a sight.
should have taken picture! haha!
dinner and chelsea vs. man utd
never been so prepared to lose.
hmm.

bubblegum makes you burp, you know why? cos when you blow the bubble, then it bursts and the air goes back into your tummy and causes you to BURP. hoho. im bored you see.

2005-11-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday was insanely good.
ALINE BONNIE CATHERINE CHARMAINE CHARMAINE EVLIN
i love you all

-we overspent on groceries
-pokes cant cook
-twin and bonnie can cook damn well
-BOOM BOOM
-rapists )):
-ate a lot
-cannot concentrate on any movie
-dinner, those funny games AGAIN! oosh and pregnancy(:

training today was good good.
-with my hot and sexy sister and our incredibles family((:
-the weights are HEAVY
-we walk slowly
-breakfast at macs

i eat a lot now. like a lot. under somebody's influence. i wonder WHO.

2005-11-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

vietnam was an amazing trip
-I LOVE MY CUCHI PARTNER
-surprise birthday party for her, crazy planning
-difficulty lighting the candles, so damn funny
-happy birthday anabel
-sleepovers
-walking the streets of vietnam
-crossing the freaking scary roads
-seeing the statue of mother mary cry
-cuchi tunnels, interesting
-markets, ben tarrrrn
-dinner on the boat
-swimming, gym
-realise what a pig poke is. eat a lot sleep a lot shit a lot.

im gonna miss the strawberry milkshakes and iced chocolates and beef noodles and fries
im gonna miss those games, oosh, 5,10,15,20, pregnancy etc.
im gonna miss laughing like crazy
im gonna miss jumping on the bed like chickens trying to fly
im gonna miss crossing the road and screaming with my crossing road partner
im gonna miss biting, tickling, smacking, fighting. (:
im gonna miss the great company
but its good to be back.

aline chan; twin:
IN MY LIFE, THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SOME SUNSHINE AND SOME RAIN, BUT THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE RAINBOWS. i love you so much my dear. you make me so happy. i cant do without you i swear, thank you so much(: i love my twin.

i just need some time alone

2005-10-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

When the world, leaves you feeling blue
You can count on me, I will be there for you
When it seems, all your hopes and dreams
Are a million miles away, I will re-assure you

We've got to all stick together
Good friends are there for each other
Never ever forget that I got you
And you got me

271005
day of growth and reflection
this retreat has been simply enlightening, heartwarming and just awesome. i learnt so much from it, i learnt to forgive, to let go and to appreciate my friends and family. all the pain, the hurt all gone, shredded into bits and thrown up, to be blown away. i’ve let go, i’ve forgiven, i’ve forgotten. i hope you all forgive me too. apologies, thank yous were exchanged. and it was such a sweet sight, everyone just hugging and shedding buckets and buckets of tears. i’ve never cried so much in my life, and yet each tear was worth it. it was worth it all. i guess we all went through healing, and were all cleansed inside, spiritually and emotionally. i swear, it was one of the best experiences ever, and just brought us, friends closer. it healed the hurts and pains in our bonds of friendship, it closed up the gaps between us, it brought us closer than we’ve ever been before. i hope, and i wish and i pray these bonds between us friends will always be there, no matter how far apart we are, that it will never be broken but stay strong always and forever. i love you all, my friends.

281005
i’ll never forget this day, the end of the journey for secondary twotwo, 2005.
cameras clicking non stop everywhere, the only thing we have to hold on to the memories of sec twotwo 2005.
hugs were exchanged and it was so touching to see everyone embracing
tears were shed, they just came and everyone just felt the same way i guess. a sense of loss and sadness that something we have come to love so dearly would now just be a memory of the past.
at the end of the day, we formed one large circle, arms over each other and sang our hearts out.

Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your hearts desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
Thats when your dreams will all come true

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

38 different voices, yet one heart, one spirit. ONE VOICE.

secondary twotwo 2005, i’ll never forget you, each one of you
though we may part, but our friendship still remains
though twotwo 05 may be a thing of the past but the twotwo spirit will still live on, in each and every one of us.

though its hard to let you go,
if the father sends me know,
that a lifetime’s not too long,
to live as FRIENDS.

indeed. i love you all. so much.

after school, took lots of pictures, milo stickers and all. then headed for j8. crammed EIGHT people into one cab. thank you bonnie’s dad! almost the entire twotwo was there i think. ((: lunched at KFC, met shaocheh, joy, sijia and amy then went to take pretty neoprints. squeezed TWELVE people into one machine! turned out lovely i must say. went to play at the nice playgroud outside haagen daaz after that. reliving our childhood. it was just great. BONNIE CHLOE PAT ALINE EVLIN.played with a few really cute little boys. BANG BANG BANG! haha. and one of them smacked my ass! i feel violated, by a three year old. ((: played freeze and melt! oh man, so good to be a kid again! then Alyssa and charmaine came and joined us for a bit, before we separated into the ‘glams’ and ‘unglams’. part of the unglams. but people who think they are glam are unglam and people who think they are unglam are glam. right buddy? haha. headed to coffee bean for a really really good talk. evaluation of twotwo. realized that everyone is REALLY NICE. oh and we have grand plans for the holidays! oh its gonna be fun fun fun. i love the five of you. thank you for making my day(: goodbye hugs and kisses(: after that. haha. and then irritating tuition. some people just don’t get it. like me.

thank you for being a friend
and for making me HAPPY.

2005-10-26T20:48:00.000+08:00

#02

That's just the way I am
Sometimes I feel like crying
Laying down and dying
That's when I need you

its so hard to speak

i got a red face.

one day when i tell you i have cancer you're just gonna say, "SO?"

2005-10-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

for everything you do
for everything thats true
i turn to you

my mouth hurts

2005-10-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

could you put a smile on my face?

2005-10-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

i had a really nice day(:
thanks everyone who just made my day freaking good.

cheerleading practice at around one. no actually i just sat there like a pig. as they said, my job was to eat chew digest sleep. anyway, the dance is really really good. i especially like the first part! i really really like the first part! i can just keep doing the first part! on and on and on! okay. im very silly. oh oh oh . HEY MICKEY!! charmaine chew, i think i dont really hate the song. its so nice to dance to! NICELY CHEERLEADERS! i love you all so much! then people started leaving and after that went to charmaine's house for dinner. sang like so many many songs. from just the girl to because of you to BEATLES! haha. nice nice walk round the neighbourhood with pokeypoke. nice streetlamps! scary dogs! and i sat in the middle of the road! cool eh. talked and talked about lots of things. thanks poke! charmaine's neighbour is bloody talented, playing such nice songs so beautifully. buddies did some music mixing. very nice(: after that fetched buddy back . DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE?

i cant hold on no longer

2005-10-22T22:45:00.000+08:00

life is a rollercoaster
just gotta ride it

now i know why

highs
- great training with the wonderful COACHIE and catherine, aline, zheng ying, jolene
-watched GOAL! with my twin(: great show; made me laugh and cry, inspired me
- me and twin took picture with CRAZY FROG
-the adidas store. oh god. desirable
-the christmas feeling at subway. feeling of peace, calmness, distance from reality. simply surreal. merry christmas evlin and charmaine. thanks for being there.

lows
now i know what its like to feel empty
now i know what its like to go crazy
now i know what its like to be miserable
now i know how to break down
now i know what its like when life holds no meaning
now i know what its like to feel helpless
now i know how pathetic i am
now i know how useless i am

i wish you could smile.

2005-10-22T09:23:00.000+08:00

let me be the one,
telling you it's alright
sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
let me be the one,
loving you when you're weak.
for all of the strength you need,
you can come to me.

almost saccharine

2005-10-21T20:12:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel so alone
just too alone
sometimes i feel the world's turning its back on me
faces pass, heads turn
i stand there staring
nobody gives a damn

i feel alone.

results are just okay. nothing to scream about nothing to cry about. yesterday i slept at SIX PM. but i was damn tired today. i have no idea why. so tired that i went to the wrong class. malu. maths made me smile. science and history made me sad. was in such a crap mood after that. everything pissed me off. im sorry. truly. track was bloody slack. no training actually. cos coach didnt come so we were NOT ALLOWED to train. like i wanted to. so sat there on the steps with some funny shit people. talked about everything, so damn funny. HAHA. then went back to see the dance. its really nice. and funny. HAHAHAH. then bus-ed to utd sq. i err. sort of told them the wrong bus so we stopped outside sji. hahahahhaha. all my fault. i feel stupid. had ice cream. then i was being bloody stupid. and antagonistic, didnt want to take money from poke. im such an ass lah please. fighting about the supidest things. anyway went for class or should i say chatting session. just slacked there talking about lesbians to abortion to subject combinations to pregnant schoolgirls. HAHA. entertaining. went home after that.

i dont know how you stand me as a friend
just kick me aside push me away
i deserve it
but before that, my sincerest apologies.

2005-10-19T19:54:00.000+08:00

every memory of looking out the back door
i had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
it’s hard to say
it’s time to say it
goodbye, goodbye

learning to sing it today!(:

seeing only the bright side, school was fun. had a malay culture appreciation. it was pretty fun. catherine and charmaine must have been malays in their past life. HAHA. the drumming was quite alright! mr bing bang was cute. right poke? haha. was playing a fool after that. kicking, punching, piggybacks, playing silly games. someone kept squeezing my cheeks. hrrmpf. i bet i looked so ugly. oh oh oh! YOU!
puff out your cheeks PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. make my day. let me pop it!
netball briefing after that. bloody idiot was talking shit while everyone was so squashed up. ass. i hate this kind of people really. the kind that talks and talks so much shit and doesnt know people DONT want to listen. and the act cute/retarded kind. disgusts me. anyway, went for lunch with my ah ma. heard such disturbing news. urrgh. ): then after that something stupid happened. haha. buddy didnt bring her phone so we couldnt contact each other. so i ended up walking the whole orchard road thinking i might be lucky and meet her somewhere. unfortunately not. haha. anyway it was nice walking alone. can think. hmm. saw this little girl with one hand on her hips and another hand shaking her finger vigorously at this small boy. she was like: I TELL YOU ARH. YOU BETTER NOT SIT THERE ANYMORE. IF NOT I TELL MY MOMMY. okayyy. the boy was like giving her that blank stare. silly girl. K P O. but she looked cute. haha. like a kid pretending to be a teacher. so cute. i was laughing like shit. oh yeah then i saw this like fourteen year old guy buying MAXIM, which had two big boob-ed girls on the cover. HORNY IDIOT! haha. class was slack like shit. you know what. we got to draw cute animals!!! supposed to copy but we cheated! we traced the picture((: hahaha. so cute!!! the dragon was not nice to draw. i couldnt even TRACE it. buddy was being HIGH. making lots of noise. LAO SHHHHHHI. my god so funny. oh then went to heeren and bought SOMETHING. SURPRISE SURPRISE! ooh on the way was singing nickelback PHOTOGRAPH. i love that song!(((((((:

thanks buddy! for those nice walks after the cold cold tien hsia! love you(:
poke. surprise. surrrrrrprise. heh.

2005-10-18T19:57:00.000+08:00

i had a GREAT day today.
great fun, great company.
met aline catherine and charmaine at somerset then we headed to cine for lunch and movie. ate KFC. i hate mayonaisse like shit. then went to watch the super hot show, INTO THE BLUE. my god, it was bloody scary. jumped a number of times. and it was damn gross too. the freaking shark bit off a chunk of the idiot's thigh. AHHH. silly twin and roomate03 were like, not shocking what! act brave. me and cat kept getting shocks. haha. after that met poke at tp mrt and went swimming at buddy's house! swimming was freaking good. jumping in is like a fantastic kind of release. went around going underwater pulling peoples' legs. haha. poke was freaking scaring me with her long hair. look like ghost. twin and buddy were jumping like on a trampoline. it was really really fun. jumped over roomate03. haha. then she jumped over me and it was so damn scary. (((: went to the sauna after that. sat there for rather long with poke and twin. bathed then went home. i like to swim now(: thank you all for making my day! i love you so much.
aline catherine charmaine charmaine evlin
cant do without you.

why do i keep stoning?

2005-10-17T18:44:00.000+08:00

HOLIDAYING WITH ROOMATES(:

141005;
drove up to kl with charmaine and charmaine. talked, slept, ate, took pictures in the car. i looked retarded in the shots. roomates #01 and #03 looked the same. maybe cos they're charmaines. where's my fellow CHAN? im sure we have the same wide gummy smile. ahaha. fortunately found our way to my dad's house. flopped on the bed. was dead tired. after that, dinner nearby with my cousins. the food was damn good(: then went to buy dvds. watched INITIAL D, which was so freaking cool. talked a bit then slept. our legs were dangling cos we had to sleep horizontally. nobody wanted to listen to my brilliant idea of squeezing on the bed vertically. ):

151005;
HAPPY POKES DAY.
forgot about it lahh. so never celebrate): anyway, went to mid valley and shopped like mad. high class shopping man. zara, topshop, mango, esprit, padini, FOS. brilliant. #03 became the ATM. how cool's that? we had a live talking moving ATM! haha. spent lots and lots. lunched at SUSHI KING. perfect. california roll simply rocks. shopped a while more. met aunty annie for dinner! shared a lot of noodles. like A LOT. stupid almond tofu was so SMELLY i swear, my mango saga was nice though. gorged like pigs. OH OH OH!
ROOMATES #01 AND #03 ARE SUCH PIGS. ONLY EAT SLEEP SHIT!
okay random. sent aunty annie off at the train station after that. sad sad. headed home and watched AMITYVILLE HORROR. god it was so scary okay. screamed a bit. i kept jumping cos got so many shocks. but the other two were so scared until they couldnt move. hahaha. and i DID NOT RUN TO THE ROOM. i walked. and i was a bit scared but not so scared. they thought i was scared but i was NOT. i was brave. haha. talked a lot. even though i kept dozing off. SILENCE MEANS SLEEPING. ((:

161005;
church today at assumption. hymns were nice, drums were cool, singing was very loud. poke thinks im unholy. cos i dont do a lot of things. and she didnt let me sleep during the boring homily. anyway ONE UTAMA after that. bought presents for the rest((: aren't we sweet. bought less than yesterday cos couldnt find much. but took very pretty neoprints. for a long long time. I LOVE IT. they look good(: dinner at some chinese restaurant at BSC. lovely teapot soup. i drank a lot. peking duck. YAY. took pictures. watched HONEY. it is so HOT please. YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING. i love honey. and that song at the end is damn nice. i like. after that tried watching creep. but stopped cos its a stupid show. then watched a walk to remember. so sweet i swear! three of us cried. but i think its not sad enough. haha. i had lots of comments. heh. irritated them i think. talked a bit about some stuff with poke. then slept. #03 prays a lot. motivates me to pray. which is good. thanks.

171005;
breakfast. then drove back to SG. slept and talked and ate. chicken rice balls for lunch. not nice. ): haha. i love my circle thing thing. its damn nice to chomp it up in BIG BITES. not like the charmaines. nibbling on it like hamsters. heh. said goodbyes. had my satisfying pee. then went to class. watched kungfu hustle. funny funny!!(: two more weeks of slack lessons. movies! yay! i love learning lab english now.

thank you dear roomates, #01 and #03 for making this holiday such a wonderful one. i loved those late night ups, the rubbish talks, the shopping, the company, the eating. everything. i love you two a lot!

yayayay! tomorrow i get to see the rest again. miss them so much! towning and swimming date. oh tomorrow's gonna be perfect. (:

perfection's possible, just be happy with what you have, and you'll have perfect days, perfect times all your life.

2005-10-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

OOH I FORGOT SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT!
EVERYBODY LOOK!

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRRRRR!!!
PLAYTIME!
((((((((((((((((:
I CANT HELP GRINNING.

2005-10-13T20:30:00.000+08:00

EARTHQUAKE AT SWENSENS!((:
and shared a really NICE baked rice with evlin my dear partner
I REALLY ENJOYED THE COMPANY.
TALKING AND LAUGHING AND SMEARING CREAM ON OUR FACES
and not to forget the michael learns to rock in the background.
honestly it was GREAT.
such a fantastic time i had.
with the most fabulous bunch of people ever

thereafter we headed to EAST COAST! nice conversation on the bus with buddy((: there was this scary 'underpass' and the other four were like running and screaming through it and me and my buddy were busy taking pictures! nice and spooky!(: rented bikes and just raced down the wind in our faces. breathtaking to say the least. the scenery was AWESOME. there was like this wintry scene. and buddy and i were taking pictures again! and we are pro cyclists by the way. in and out in and out. but we never bang each other cos we have telepathy. hahaha. stopped somewhere near the rocks where we met a crazy old man who wanted us to rub his back with sand.errrr. like NO. anyway. screamed our lungs out!!standing on the rocks. throwing the stones as far as we could. its like the problems were all just GONE. but thats temporary i know cos after that they just flood back. but anyway anyway. today was a HAPPY DAY. really. spending time with the nicest bunch ever. minus SOMEBODY WHO DONT WANT TO GO. haha.
really nice memories you know
-nice conversations, pictures
-biking so damn fast
-throwing those big stones
-screaming to the sea
-falling off my bike and not hurting myself
-hello byebye with my cycling partner!
-feeling SALTY with my twin
-nice chats
-FUN WITH FUN PEOPLE
jessica is HAPPY.
thank you aline alyssa catherine charmaine evlin.
you made my day just so MEMORABLE AND HAPPY.
love you so much((:
im sorry okay? really sorry for making you upset. )): im an asshole right?

2005-10-12T22:16:00.000+08:00

science is over
over!
do you see? i write big big for you!
OVER
haha. i screwed it though
drew my EYEBALL wrongly. how dumb can i get?
and counted a lot of things wrongly also):
but anyway. its
over!!

and tomorrow's gonna be damn fun!
sun sand and sea!
and PARTY!
party by the beach.
how cool is that.
seafood lunch!
catching seafood from the sea yeah??
but me and poke are SMART.
ordering SEAFOOD pizza.
haha.

im gonna screw my history i swear.
cant remember a thing
and im so lazy i didnt bother learning ten and eleven.
haha. too bad. screw then screw!!
later unscrew lah.
((:

stop making things difficult for me
all you people out there.

2005-10-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

i cant learn science for nuts!
i only really like digestion
i wanna be a digestor!
cat says i can be the hydrochloric acid
and everyday i'll get the damn proteases to work
and i'll kill the unwanted bacteria!!
all at FULL SPEED. (:
fastpoke.

THE NIGHT'S FOR FULLSPEED MUGGING
WHEN THE MOON SHINES SO BRIGHT
AND THE PRETTY STARS LIGHT UP THE DARK SKY
I'LL BE IN MY ROOM
FULL SPEED MUGGING(:

2005-10-11T14:00:00.000+08:00

~~english~~
~~geography~~
~~chinese~~
~~literature~~
~~mathematics~~
science
history

ms chong bluffed us. she said maths would be SO DIFFICULT. but it was just okay. stupid me never read question properly. and i was sitting there wondering why the question was so easy. thanks lah. oh yeah my twin asked MATHS GOT MCQ?? haha. living in the past seriously. after maths breakfast again with charmaine catherine and evlin. talk talk talk. about thursday! and about people! haha. we have come to many decisions. (: productive meeting. YES.

science time!
i love science!

my life very interesting is it?
468787466

2005-10-10T12:32:00.000+08:00

~~english~~
~~geography~~
~~chinese~~
~~literature~~
maths
science
history

yesyes! THREE's the number!
time to practise maths, revise science and mug history
THREE more days to endure
THREE days to freedom
THREE days to havoc
THREE days to parrrty time((:
lit was, short of time
breakfast at the hub

i sneeze
ah-choo.

after all that we've been through
after all thats been said and done
over

2005-10-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

we, the citizens or SMARTIE SHIT LAND, pledge ourselves as one united nation. regardless of SMARTNESS, SHITTYNESS or SMARTIE SHITTYNESS, to build a democratic SMARTIE SHIT society, based on justice and equality. so as to achieve happiness, SMARTNESS and SHITTYNESS for our nation.

POKE. IS DAMN SMART.
i love my poke. she made me smile. (:
but she's a retard. as you can see.
haha.
BEETLEJUICE.

2005-10-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

i just want to say.
i love those mornings
sitting in a circle
chatting about everything
trying to study
ALINE ALYSSA CATHERINE CHARMAINES EVLIN
you make my day just that much happier
make exam period that much more bearable
i love you all so much.
lets havoc after exams alright!
but i'll miss the mornings. (:
lets treasure each moment we have together
and take time to appreciate the little things in life.
and most importantly; stay HAPPY.

to you
the pain
the suffering
the guilt
there ain't any way in the world im gonna forget
what you did to me
how you broke me
living in your world of lies and deception
you dragged me in
fooled me
duped me
deceived me
there ain't any way in the world im gonna forget
how you controlled me
how you made me believe
the lies you made up
how you covered my eyes
so i couldnt see
the jealousy
the hatred
the pretense
there ain't any way in the world im gonna forget
how i've learnt not to trust
how you've taught me the meaning
of betrayal
of hurt
and of pain

im sorry
im truly sorry that it has to end this way
i've just felt too much pain and hurt and anger
and i cant continue
it was good while it lasted
but now its gone
and it does hurt.
it really does.

2005-10-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

letting go

so damn emotional today
chinese really sucked
i think i really blanked out for once in an exam
read the compres over and over again and they made no sense to me
fantastic
after exam i broke down
i think the stress of everything just came out
broke my damn dictionary
but i guess its not the exams.
you should know what.
trashed it all out
i guess its just over.

thank you all for the support today
im truly sorry for scaring you.

thanks CHARMAINE;bro
for cheering me up, for believing in me, for being there for me
thanks ALINE;twin
for talking to me even when i was being an ass, for standing by me. sorry you had to see me that way. THANKS DEAR.
thanks BONNIE PAT CHLOE
for the comforting hugs, for cheering me up, for being there when i was so alone and helpless
thanks EVLIN; buddy
im sorry for making you scared. i promise i wont bang my head. i swear! thank you for being there for me and giving me support.
thanks CHARMAINE; poke
im sorry for scaring you and for being mean okay? thanks for being really nice and supporting me though i was being an idiot.
thanks CATHERINE; confidante
thanks for being there even when i was kicking everything. for talking sense into my stubborn ass brain. im sorry. THANK YOU.
thanks ALYSSA; kidnapper
though you weren't there, i know you'll stick by us. thank you!

i really mean every damn word i say.

six years
thats how long it took me
to understand and realise
and see through you
im sorry it has to end this way
but i guess
whats done is done
no turning back
cos we've reached a crossroad
and taken separate paths
so here it is
that we part.

2005-10-06T18:25:00.000+08:00

It's there in my eyes and coming straight from my heart
It's running silent and angry and deep

Tell me why'd you do what you did to me
Covered my eyes so I couldn't see
the truth of who you really were
led me in the darkness
round and round in your web of deceit
I never should have let you get to me
Never should have let you bring me down
Didn't know that our friendship was just some game
where you cheated and deceived and lied your way through
that was some kind of friend you turned out to be
im not playing in your game no more
the game’s over
but sadly for you, I won.
i think im damn free. post so many times in a day. im rushing my lit notes now. cant be bothered. want to bang my head against the wall. tomorrow's chinese. and after that you can go and kiss my ass. yeah! its just seven more days! (:

2005-10-06T12:09:00.000+08:00

THE DAY STARTED OFF GREAT.
nice chat in the morning with
aline alyssa catherine charmaines
but there was this ass of a mosquito flying around
damn irritating
tried to kill but fly too fast.

i said i wouldnt post.
but apparently i dont have the resilience
who cares
i am too happy now.
can say goodbye to geography.
can rip geography up into shreds and burn them in the incinerator.
then watch happily as the ashes fly around
and say GOOD RIDDANCE.

its all come down to this
a complete waste of time
the darkness that blinded me for so long
i finally see the light
youre not who i thought you were
there's more to it.

BYEBYE!(:
letting go is easy, its the holding on that hurts
im letting go.
but not like this.
no way.

2005-10-02T19:44:00.000+08:00

what a day(:
i dont know what to say
its all over, okay.
happy mugging

HIATUS
back on 131005

2005-10-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

this day was almost a perfect one

had a really nice morning
pictures and chatting and laughing and testimonials and happy childrens day
thanks for making me happy
151005; im waiting

couldnt wake up after that
until like 11 something
then rushed for lunch with some really nice people
talked lots about just anything
CHARMAINE EVLIN EVON
i love you all so much
STOMP was a marvellous affair
i've never been so awed in my life
they literally used everything to make noise
from matchsticks to newspaper to plastic bags to dustbins to broomsticks
it was very very cool
i just love the funny guy that looked like jt
and the dustbin cover part(:
the crowd at esplanade were damn enthusiastic
for once, the entire crowd stomped their feet till the ground all over vibrated
and that was without any prompting
and then the last part everybody got on their feet and really participated
followed the beat
it sounded really good.
great show i have to say
yet it only lasted that long
perfect times zoom past you without you realising
why cant they last forever?

the people today made me SMILE
made me HAPPY
thank you.

2005-09-30T16:13:00.000+08:00

EVERYBODY GO AND PLAY
WHACK THE PENGUIN
okay?
go go go.
and scream!
964.5 IM A LOSER!

2005-09-30T15:45:00.000+08:00

IN LOVE
PEPPER AND SALT
secret formula for maths. hahahaha

becomes IN LOVE with PANGSAI
or I LOVE PANGSAI
or silly poke's I LOVE TO PEE AND SHIT.

oh man. maths was great. i was feeling so enthu
and bella keep calling me dumb ass
when she's a loser. heh(:
anyway. in the morning had exam mass
very nice.
i liked it. (:
missed chinese!
ME was doing maths with charmaines and twin
the CHANS ROCK(:
then the nice survey.
i love surveys. like my twin.
yesterday was fighting with my twin. rugby and tug of war.(:
wokays.
ben and jerry's HERE I COME.
stop screwing with my head
everything's so confusing please
my little brain cant accept no more

2005-09-29T15:30:00.000+08:00

breaking my heart into a million pieces
like you always do

i mood swing terribly
i feel choked
hmm.
yesterday was a high
had fun with the funny people
laughed a lot a lot((:
but missed out on mugging at coffeebean with poke
all because of MATHS.
still had a nice time
today was not very good.
people were doing maths the whole damn day.
maths make me sick
but i have to say my dnt group is damn good
did a great job. in ONE day.
take care of that finger CHARMAINE.
many things make me sick
my mummy's SECRET messaging
why would i want to see what youre talking about? huh? why would i?
and a whole lot more things make me sick
STOP MAKING ME SICK. please.
im going crazy.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?

darkness falls im letting go
all alone but i feel fine
the happiest day of my life
IS THE DAY THAT I DIE.

2005-09-27T16:38:00.000+08:00

SEVENTEEN MORE DAYS

i can do it!
english was nice today
except when the silly goon tpy stuck her head in front of me when i was happily stoning
i was so SHOCKED
damn her
went for lunch after that with charmaines and catherine
nice pasta.
nice sweets.
nice talk
now im stuck happily mugging my way through the day
im behind schedule for geog
hmpf.
no! no hmpf.
its YES! I WILL CATCH UP.
cos its oh so fun
i'll stay happy.
and so must everyone else. OKAY?

2005-09-26T15:29:00.000+08:00

it all begins tomorrow.
shall start my countdown.
have to hold on for EIGHTEEN DAYS.
then i shall be released from the torture of studying.

its all not worth it.
i'll take each day as it comes
and try to be happy.
I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

and so it shall be
i'll grin like an idiot as i do my compo and compre
and kiss my paper with lots of love.
and appreciate each word on those pretty sheets of paper.
the love of my life((:
now my second love.
GEOGRAPHY.
oohoohwee. cant wait.
from water to rocks to volcanoes. ahh.
i'll take my time to enjoy.

2005-09-25T12:14:00.000+08:00

birthday dinner for my daddy yesterday
funfun.
cheered me up a bit

BUT still
guilty as charged.

all the times that I cried,
keeping all the things I knew inside,
It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it.

2005-09-24T16:25:00.000+08:00

daddy, happy birthday.
you've been the greatest. and thats true.

2005-09-24T16:15:00.000+08:00

its all over thankfully for me.
and for the people around me whom i've freaked out or worried.
i cant thank you quite enough

life is a big black mess.
without the lights around you, you'll just be wandering aimlessly in this empty void
bumping aorund hitting yourself along the way
then sometimes these lights go off
and youre left alone
and everything starts hitting at you
where's the light in the darkness where you cant see nothing.
who's gonna lead the way, guide you and protect you from everything flying at you
where's my angel?

there are few stars at night here. maybe one or two. at the most. where did they go?

i'll be there for you,
when the rain starts to pour

2005-09-21T19:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like crying
Laying down and dying

emotional

thank you POKE and BUDDY.
for listening
comforting
making me feel a lot better
like a load is taken off
thank you for that really nice talk
i think i would have been happier just sitting near the lift talking about those things
or outside orange julius having an emotional time
it wasnt exactly a happy time
but fulfilling hell yeah.
buddy, take care, think less about it. SMILE. be the happy evlin everyone knows(((:
but i know you'll get over it.
poke, im sorry. and thanks for being there.(:

lets be honest.

2005-09-20T15:12:00.000+08:00

Now, looking back at all we've planned,
We let so many dreams just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long before we'll see?
How sad the answers to those questions can be
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you, there's no open doors

my parents are at it again.
dad: the mee pok ROCKS.
trying to act cool lah. hello.
mum: yeah lah. you shit rocks
dad: how you know? you see my shit before meh?
traffic light turned red
dad: see lah. you shit rocks then the traffic light turn red.
ERRR.
and i thought parents were supposed to be mature.

anyway. today sucked lah. the only positive thing was when me and my twin were happily satisfying our childish fantasies. RED AND YELLOW AND PINK AND GREEN PURPLE AND ORANGE AND BLUE! we found all our pens and arranged them in that order. and we were DAMN HAPPY when we finished. then we realised how childish we were and started laughing like mad. seriously i have not laughed such a real satisfying laugh in ages. TWIN WE ROCK. lets relive our childhood more often. or actually we do that everyday. haha. im sorry dear. i'll try to breathe properly instead of always making you sad.((((:

i'll try to record all these funny stuff. just in case i lose my mind in the near future. maybe it will bring a smile to my face.

i hear a buzzing noise. people are starting to talk. whats wrong? i dare not turn. the sound gets louder. its coming nearer, its getting closer. im afraid. my heart starts pumping so fast. fear overtakes me. fear like i've never experienced before. the sound. i know people are talking. why. something bad is happening. the fear is killing me. THEN A SCREAM. and my heart races. and it cant stop.
whats wrong with me?/ im scared. i really am.

2005-09-19T16:17:00.000+08:00

THANKYOU
BONNIE!
PAT!
CHLOE!
EVLIN BUDDY!
for MY STRESSBALL!
its so cute. i really really love it
and you're all SO SWEET!
LOVE YOU A LOT A LOT AND LOTS MORE!((((:

rating of today: 6/10

anyway. my dad was damn LAME today.
he got his hand caught in the lift door. err.
then his face went pale. my mummy talk to him he never answer
but he insists he was using his internal energy to open the lift door. YEAH RIGHT.
my mummy nearly hyperventilated. but she insists she was laughing at my dad for being so stupid
then my dad wanted to have the smallest signature in the world
my mummy said he had the smallest brain in the world.
OKAY.

i think i owe everyone an apology for today. so im really very SORRY. for causing so much shit. and THANK YOU.
i shall try to stop thinking about IT, then perhaps i wont get it again.
IT makes me pretty stressed out
IT makes my heart pump so fast
IT makes breathing such a chore
so, i will stop thinking about IT
or at least try.

HAPPY MAKER! JESSICA LOVES YOU!!!
thanks a hell lot lah. for being such a good breathing counter.
THANKS. to you and others. too many. really.

2005-09-18T15:42:00.000+08:00

DEAR POKE,

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO JOIN ME ON MY LITTLE GREEN SPACESHIP TO GO TO THE MOON TONIGHT FOR A MOONDANCE AND TO PAY A VISIT TO MR MOON.

TIME: 1900 TO 1901

VENUE: MOON

THANK YOU AND I HOPE YOU WILL KINDLY ACCEPT THIS INVITATION.

YOURS SINCERELY,
JESSICA

2005-09-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

so take a look at me now
there's just an empty space

you dont understand
really you dont understand
so stop.
just stop making it worse here

down and out.
i thought. i thought. well i guess not.

2005-09-17T18:44:00.000+08:00

I don't want to live my life, too many sleepless night

i need to take things easy.
slow down.

longest yard was very good. teared a bit. rather touching really.
im back to mugging once more.
god you are an arsehole.

hyperventilation may occur due to a number of causes, most of them related to anxiety, fear or irrational emotional outbursts.

2005-09-16T16:07:00.000+08:00

IRRITATING
WEIRD
STRESSED

three words. make up my day.
thanks everyone. i love you all. really really do.
cant do without some people in my life(:

clear myself of my hate for you. let it all out

2005-09-15T16:12:00.000+08:00

BELIEVE
i am a five year old

twotwo won the mid autumn festival thing! whatever its called. the main thing is that we WON!!(: proved that shitty tpy wrong. TWOTWO WINS INTER-CLASS COMPETITIONS okay. stress during the presentation. thought i was gonna die. but it turned out alright. should start my mugging now. am a GEEK. but the nerd is slacking. so i can slack for a bit more.
BLOODY LITTLE SWINE. cant believe i dedicate one small part to you everyday.

life is full of people who will make you laugh, cry, smile until your face hurts, and so happy you think you'll burst. but the ones who leave footprints on your soul are the ones that keep your life going

2005-09-14T19:54:00.000+08:00

I AM OVERWORKED AND STRESSED LIKE NEVER BEFORE.

when im stressed i pull my hair.

pretty pretty fun day though. went high with my twin. playing with our sticks. after school bus-ed to scotts with poke. sat on the upper deck. very nice. and weirdly scary. anyway. nice lunch at pastamania. fun class. and now im back here overworking myself again.

you are a bloody chicken ass

2005-09-13T18:09:00.000+08:00

WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS.
just wake me up from this nightmare.
but i think there are nice people in this nightmare. which is comforting. they help you through it. no matter what. they do anything for you. even when youre in the shittiest of moods they tolerate you. and when youre feeling alone and think youre the biggest loser around, they're there to pull you up. and they dont leave till youre okay. actually they dont ever leave, do they? THANKS YOU ALL. really.

these two days have been. weird. like very jumpy. cos i cant find the word for it. i have been having major mood swings. and last night was an all time low. my head was aching so bad i couldnt even think. and my bloody printer played me out. refused to work. you asshole. fortunately my patient daddy came and survived my huge tantrum, my violent kicks at the printer and fixed it!((: i love my daddy. but the day wasnt too bad actually. except that i hated my seat. and i had a tummyache. but had fun with the squirting hot water bottle. thanks bonnie pat and chloe(:

TODAY. was in a crappy mood this morning. calmed down by dnt. but became shit during recess again. poke brought biscuits and rachel had chewy bar but i had no mood to eat. ))): after recess was much better again. but had a headache. did some work and stuff. then after school had lit drama competition.
NICE JOB GERALDINE AND ISABELLA!!
THEY WERE DAMN GOOD AS STANHOPE AND HIBBERT!((((:
the rest of the drama was so boring cos i couldnt hear a thing. but my headache was gone!! and i became a bit nuts. playing with leaves and the stick. twirling it! but poke kept bullying me. steal my stick. through unscrupulous methods. hmpf. haha. quite fun actually. but they keep calling me a kid. when its so obvious im not. im a mature fourteen year old. heh((:
just had a nice dinner. a big dinner. yes! now its back to the shitty maths, the even shittier science and the shittiest ting xie.

what a blasted funk you are

2005-09-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel like the biggest loser in the whole entire screwed up world. i am such a pushover, and im thoroughly sick of it. but what can i do about it? i still end up being pushed around. people dont really care about pushovers you know, its like pushovers have a place in the world, they have a duty to fulfil. nobody feels guilty about pushing the work to pushovers. nobody feels guilty that pushovers are doing the work FOR them. even though these pushovers owe them NOTHING. absolutely nothing. so why do they do it? for the mere reason that they are NICE? or the fact that they're too weak to put up a fight. that they cannot bring themselves to just say; CAN YOU DO YOUR OWN WORK? to hell with those who take advantage of other people's weak character. to hell with those who are so bloody stupid and lazy that they need other people to do stuff for them. fuck. youre a loser, a wimp, a pushover. i swear, i really hate myself sometimes.

i used to dislike you. now i actually dont give a shit about you anymore. whether youre living or dead. seriously. im not gonna have anything to do with you.

2005-09-11T00:39:00.000+08:00

good friends must not always be together; it is the feeling of oneness when distant that proves lasting friendship(:
thats one a day. like my twin. i think its very true. but then can we have that? we'll see i guess.

FUNFUNFUN!!

i love today. it simply rocks. everybody just made my day! thanks!! ALINE RACHEL CHARMAINES!
anyway, went out for movie with my twin at ps! my enthu twin. not like the other UE-ers. watched perfect catch. really really sweet. i think they look good together. and the highlight of the show- when drew barrymore ran across the baseball field to tell the guy not to sell his tickets. haha. BABY IM GETTING ARRESTED! heh. after that met rachel for a very nice lunch. ate lots and lots. including some yucky super gross ice cream. thanks to the smarty rachel. zed and zee stuff are very cool. really. okay that sounds random. then after that got some major miscommunication with poke. ended up running all the way to somerset like some mad woman. and she's waiting for me at dhoby ghaut. how smart of me. haha. still had time to have ICED BLENDED MOCHA at coffee bean. supposed to learn ting xie but ended up disturbing each other. hahha. was delibrately late for class cos we went to look at TOYS. so skipped ting xie! yay! SMART US. boring lesson. was high but couldnt possibly be high in class right? like what. jump on the tables and chairs? haha. realised my phone is like a chinese dictionary. next time can cheat during kao cha.

nice night. just got home. my daddy and mummy have NEW PHONES. they took my upgrade. hmpf. im pissed. haha. changed my mummy's wallpaper to my pretty face. (((: she didnt like it, say im ego. haiyah. then change to my daddy's face. then she say nerdy. rah. MEAN. so put some cheena flowers. which is FUGLY. my face a whole lot nicer. haha. i like my daddy's phone. its the same as emelyn's. the clamshell one. 7170? anyway. its nice. i can take self portraits now.

good good good day. tomorrow have to catch up with my friend, HOMEWORK! and science project, my best friend.

2005-09-09T20:29:00.000+08:00

HULLO. IM BACK FROM MY HIATUS.

anyway this holiday was rather boring.
060905
long sleepy drive up to KL. slept for most of it. but the car was uncomfortable. and i couldnt sleep cos it was too cold and hard to breathe. the inside of my nose was so uncomfortable. freezing in there. i need a nose jacket or something. heh. imagine. my nose wearing a sweater. okay im feeling crappy so dont mind. lunched in malacca. in kl went to walk around KLCC on my own. cos my mum was tired and my dad went for his medical checkup. so anyway went to all the nice shops but had no nice things. then went kino. omg! read dinny's sick judy blume book! so interesting. enlightening. RALPH.((: okay so bought nice pens. super ex but my daddy's a sweet guy. HAHHAHA. dinner with his friends. pigged out.
070905
felt VERY pissy today. kept making sarcastic remarks about every damn thing. and kept snapping at my mummy. went to err. times square today. wanted to go on the big roller coaster to DESTRESS. but i chickened out. not because im a mcnugget but because i was feeling very woozy. stomach was like a rollercoaster. rolling about. terrible. anyway walked about. its a really not so nice place actually. almost like MBK in bangkok. and i thought it was very high class. but they had many pirated dvd shops. so not quite high class yeah. watched red eye after that. very entertaining. screamed at one part. my mummy also((: the guy's freaky. the girl stabbed him in the THROAT with a pen and he PULLED IT OUT. like some pro. then still can run so fast after her. then i took a nap at night. how cool is that.
080905
shopping at mid valley. nothing to buy. even though i wanted that tropicana life bag. but decided not to waste money. its called SELF CONTROL. watched LORDS OF DOGTOWN. which is so cool and everybody should go and watch. its a very interesting show cos there's no main plot. there's no real climax. and its just very very cool. skateboarding looked very nice in the show. i wanna try but i bet i will tumble over like some idiot.
090905
flew back home. to sweet little singapore. i showed my SELF CONTROL again by skipping a nice relaxing tea to go for hot and sweaty and tiring training. embarrassed myself completely because i just cant do this stupid run and touch your heel thing. i try to touch my heel when im running but i just cant find it. so im like hitting the air. which is utterly embarrassing. i even tried looking down to find my heel but that only caused me to very embarrassingly TRIP. because i was looking down at my heel and i didnt look straight so i kinda got a bit tangled up. fortunately for me, i didnt fall. did some tiring drills? is it called drills? made my legs so wobbly. like jelly. really. dont know who in the hell comes up with these sadistic drills. must not quite have a brain.

my ipod's screwing with me. refusing to sync with my com. wth. you idiot. wait i switch to zen micro then you know. and emelyn said someone got fined 60000 bucks and jailed a week for downloading music. whoa. okay.
meeting my dear twin at PS tomorrow. at the second tree under the fifth leaf. ahahahah. anyway.
to RACHEL: TAKE CARE FRIEND. IT ISNT YOUR FAULT. AND DO CHEER UP(((:
to CHARMAINE: take care of your infected EYELID. and your NOSE, NOSE HAIR, HAIR, EYES AND ARM.

2005-09-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

oh man. i just have to post this. MRS LIU ROCKS. that was the most fantastically fun learning lab english lesson EVER. seriously. she's NUCKING FUTS. the MOST nucking futs teacher i've ever met. SHE HAS A CHICKEN CALLED MCNUGGETS. and it is very very cute. its like a big round ball. like the mogu pig. just a hell lot cuter. and its called MCNUGGETS. hahahaah. she put in the centre of the table. for us to hug when we watch SIXTH SENSE. which she is freaking scared of even though she watched like fourteen times already. not even scary. and she was covering her face during the 'scary parts'. cute please. and many many many funny things. about her perverse students whose refuge is PAMELA ANDERSON'S CHEST. and she kept insulting chinese high guys. which was so mean but damn funny. laughed the ENTIRE lesson. honestly. okay. im sorry ms han but i want another replacement lesson by her((((((: DESTRESS really. even though she kept shocking me with her screams and suddenly loud voice. but it was FUN. FUNNY. FANTASTIC. YAYAYAY(: i didnt want the class to end. really.

anyway, today was such a fulfilling packed day. morning did science project with alyssa and moyi. then went to school for EP with alyssa moyi rachel geraldine and charmaine. POKE LIED TO ME. my english comprehension was handed in. HAH. didnt do much. then went for javelin training. with reca and her friend. funny please. slacked quite a bit. played some basketball. with charissa. then went back to do more medicine ball drills and EIGHTY crunches. and TWENTY FIVE situps. i am UNFIT. then went back do some more EP. filmed geraldine and za fighting. slacked around a lot actually. cos i dont know how to do anything with the camera or the filming thing. then went home relax and went for the nicest class ever.((((:

shopping. roller coasters. movies. destressing. coming up.

happy together.
are we?

2005-09-04T13:01:00.000+08:00

this post is dedicated to my amazing catechism teacher. be honoured.

YOURE a talented CONTROL FREAK.
YOURE a PSYCHOLOGIST and YOU treat us like YOUR PATIENTS
YOURE PSYCHOTIC
YOUR eyes are big and bulging out like a toad's
YOUR staring skills are impeccable
YOU keep repeating stuff like, listen, we only have such a short time together. lucky for us.
YOU are so holy it turns me off
YOU light the smelly candle every damn week
YOURE DERANGED

thankyou for making my catechism lessons such an entertaining one. thankyou for being such a wonderful subject to dish out insults to. thankyou for saying such bloody stupid things. thankyou for paying so much attention to us. thankyou for the rosary and the bible, i should be grateful but unfortunately i think you have too much money.
THANKYOU.
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY ASS.

goodbye, god bless, may we never meet again.

2005-09-03T16:24:00.000+08:00

Incomplete
Where will you find yourself?
Incomplete
Where will you find yourself?
Where will you lose yourself?
'Cause you're the missing person now
Step outside your doubt
And let yourself be found

not feeling very good. like very tired of everything. tired of living. nothing to look forward to. im kinda stoned really. very bored. i need change.

anyways today was a rather good day. considering the fact that i was dreading wonders of science. but it was quite cool actually. !XO-BANANA. hehe. and the stupid shaun guy who shocked us all. my favourite group, apart from our school's. BUT WE DIDNT WIN. hmpf. those stupid boring makes no sense groups won. haiyah. we miscalculated the number of consolations. then thought we got either 1,2,3 but shit lah. nevermind. after that had nice refreshments. ate a lot. and got free hello panda. nice time looking at the picture on each biscuit. silly rachel. shit i got my sequence of events wrong. but who cares. anyway after that bused back to school then went to STARBUCKS! with RACHEL AND ALINE. my nice eating buddies. had a nice but freaking ex meal.rachel had an UGLY CURRY PUFF. haha. nice coffee. sat there and had a nice chat. REMEMBER OUR PACT! all the way till adulthood yeah. AND THE FONDUE DATE. im waiting(:
btw, my twin's high from her FRAPPUCINO. gone completely nuts.

bused home and my LIGHT EXPLODED. ahahaha. shattered into a gazillion pieces. lalala. somehow im not affected by it. i think im too jaded with life. and im only fourteen.
bloody freaking hell.

2005-09-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

dnt exam today. i think i will pass(: just imagine. no more THREE STUPID BORING PERIODS listening to crap about wood and metals and whatever shit. YAYAYAYAY! enough to put a smile on my face((: anyway after dnt exam slacked around for godness knows how long. then after school hung around with charmaine rachel and geraldine. NERDY MAID WANTS TO SUE HER MAM. what a terrible maid. finally started talking lah. after half an hour of doing dont kknow what shit. then went to rachel's place. played game of life. ahahaha. so funny. we went like two rounds. i had two husbands and she had SIX children. so fertile eh. then had such a wonderful nap. didnt want to wake up. then went for class. splurged at popular((: found it quite hard to spend money there. in the end, with much difficulty made up 20 bucks. exact. bought lots of colour paper. thanks to rachel and her good idea((: dinner with my mummy. talked lots again(: i cant be bothered with english please. dont want to do it!. arrgh.

mixed up inside. confused, really. i think im rather a loner in some ways. dont know why my feelings change every bloody day. dont know why sometimes i get so pissed at things yet now im so indifferent. maybe when i said i dont want to care about such stuff i really meant it. yeah maybe its better that way. lead my life focusing on the positive. ALWAYS.

2005-09-01T19:59:00.000+08:00

what do i care about scribers and polyethylene and whatnot.
only confuse my already confused brain. getting it all in is like trying to stuff an overstuffed sausage. but this sausage needs to be stuffed because the person eating it tomorrow wont like it if i dont put this extra stuff inside. he will fail the sausage! OHNONONO. we dont want that because there's this fugly black line that will appear in the report book which will call for a mighty big scolding. and a great big bout of depression. ohno. so anyway i sit there memorising halfway then my mind wanders. and i forget everything. so irritating.

i wonder why things are like that. how they became this way. why some people are just so weird and dislikeable sometimes and yet so nice at other times. or maybe its just me and my dear violent mood swings. ahahaha. im such a sensitive arsehole. and you dont realise it.

last night i dreamt i lost my shoes. and got an ugly replacement for it. some dirty green one. ohmygod. such a scary thought. im obssessing already. oh yeah and i dreamt that some guy had to cut open his flesh to extract some blood or something from this white blood vessel. and his flesh was all lumpy and bloody and spilling all over. and there was this white pus-like thing being sucked out from the white blood vessel. oh man. it was so sick. i have such vivid imagination. i think its cos my mum wanted me to go for a blood test. so now im violently protesting against it.

I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY. everyday different feelings towards some people. OH AND IM getting SUICIDAL.

2005-08-31T20:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!(:

celebrations today were rather muted i thought. mass was pretty quiet. BONNIE AND CHLOE LOOKED SO CHIO! they danced well! oh and aaron azis looked damn cute. the rest of the school day was rather screwed up. damn it.

after school!(: went out for lunch with ALINE CATHERINE EVLIN BONNIE CHLOE PAT! i love you all ever so much. you really made my day today. we went to pizza hut and pigged out like mad. dinny's cousin was really nice. gave us free drumlets, like a lot and lasagne too. then we had to play the number game to finish all the food.#73heh(: IT WAS SO FUN! and singing i dont wanna miss a thing so damn loudly in pizza hut. NICE! then after that ate mini melts. was like eating at the toy section. then chloe lost her first kiss to TIGGER!! ahaha. one minute stand. i dont like bubblegum please. i like mocha and chocolate. oh oh then walked through the underpass. and took pictures. damn cool with like the never ending corridor behind, like ghost story. haha. then me and my silly twin ran off. and we met JIAMIN!! ahh. bluffed her that got rapist chasing us. then went to hide from the rest. they were all like so hysterical when they saw jiamin! haha. and she took a freaking cute shot against the wall! ahh. jiamin is oh so cute! i love her!!(: took more pictures at the MRT! then silly dinny left her plastic bag with all her books with bonnie and forgot to take them back when the 3 of them left. so smart yeah. HAHAHA. walked in heeren. bought something!! yayness! jessica is a satisfied girl. and she will also THINK ABOUT IT! haha. OH YEAH!! then me and evil went to tien hsia and we saw JANICE AND FAITH! omg. its so nice to see them again!((: took pictures. oh yay! should have gone back to primary school today. yaru heiyi hweiming cheryl janice and faith went. ahh. miss them so much!!!(: but anyway. i had a really really nice time after school today. i was like damn pissed in school but all my troubles like disappeared. such fun people that bunch. lets do it again!

ooh i just realised chloe bonnie cat evil dinny and me were the ones who were crapping with weng lao shi today! sigh. missing pat. it was so funny please. esp chloe. ahahaha. and they took picture with mr armstrong! who's so cute!

enjoyed myself a hell lot today. havent done that in the longest time! maybe its the people. haha. think about it when im stoning. I LOVE ALL OF THEM. PEOPLE WHO WILL LAUGH WITH ME, HAVE FUN WITH ME, GIVE ME STRESS FREE TIMES. cos life's just too short to worry about these little things. its too short to be depressed or pissed about anything. so just get over it. treasure each moment, make it a happy one.

its back to the d and t book now anyway. i really want you in my head, will you just go in?

2005-08-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

i'll paint a pretty picture
i'll paint it with a twist
i'll paint it with a razor
i'll paint it on my wrist

and in this pretty picture
a fountain will appear
and in this pretty fountain
my pain will disappear

its down the road, not across the street. know what im saying? bet you dont.

sitting on THAT wall. the urge comes. the urge to lean a little backwards. if only it were higher.

2005-08-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

HELLO POKE!(:

POKEPOKEPOKEPOKE. haha. thats four times. not telling you.

later got dental. bloody hell. its gonna hurt tomorrow and then i o

dinny is here. i love my twin!!! lets go twinnniiiinnniiiinnnaiggggggggggg!

okay. sorry. i was cut off. i was gonna say tomorrow my mouth's gonna hurt then i cannot go for pizza with my twin and others. I LOVE MY TWIN TOO!! and my poke. keep poking. i hope later i wont get lost. then dont need to waste money on cab fare. tomorrow's such a slack day. oh yay! happy teacher's day in advance. and BYE MRS SIOW. im gonna miss you like hell. but we'll have mr mustafa! hahaha. i think i need to go now. cos i dont even know how to go to that stupid sadistic place. that makes my teeth hurt like shitass.

byebye. bye poke. bye twin. bye cat.
POKEPOKEPOKE.

2005-08-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

had lots of fun shopping with my buddy and family in KL. she BARELY STARTED shopping. like everyday. even when she's bought like twenty bags she still BARELY STARTED. haha. damn funny. bought quite a lot of stuff but not as much as my buddy(((: still wanting my converse shoes. everywhere NO SIZE. irritating please. I LOVE EVERYONE. MADE MY WEEKEND SO FULFILLING. with great long talks in the car about subject combinations, friends everything and the fantastic shopping at midvalley, oneUTAMA! and petaling street and the funny moments, talking crap, singing, dinners. everything. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH(: we have to do it again.

somehow, one small little incident can affect your mood rather adversely. maybe you shouldnt think so much into it. but once i start thinking, i cant quite stop. and sometimes i go way out of hand. close to halucination. my god. i have to stop thinking so much and just forget about stuff. i kept stoning tonight. thinking and thinking. about people and their relationships with me. and other things. whats a love-hate relationship? what level friends do i have? acquaintances, social, bossom or platonic? how come i think i have no platonic friends? very irritating. ))):

2005-08-25T18:37:00.000+08:00

god must hate me
he cursed me for eternity
god must hate me
maybe you should break away
breaking down and you cant save me
stuck in hell
and i wanna go home

SCREWED ALL MY CAs LIKE SHIT ASS. PRACTICALLY FAILED. I THINK IM STUPID. LIKE REALLY REALLY STUPID. MAYBE I USED TO BE SMART BUT MY BRAINS ARE DEGENERATING I SWEAR. I CANT WRITE A PROPER COMPO. I REPEAT POINTS FOR LIT. I WRITE STUPID THINGS FOR SCIENCE. I AM CARELESS AND DONT KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING IN MATHS. I AM CLUELESS ABOUT GEOGRAPHY. REALLY LIKE, CANNOT ANSWER A SINGLE QUESTION. IN CONCLUSION, IM STUPID
maybe the only thing im satisfied with is my chinese. but its not like very good or what. its not even an A. but i expected worse maybe. i shall lower my expectations and prepare to fail every exam. then if i somehow magically do manage to pass, i'll be really happy. okay. jessica expects to fail her every exam and prepares to dropout of school in about 2 years time. because she will stay back next year, and the year after and drop out after that cos you can only stay back once in the same year i think. dont think im talking rubbish cos im not. i really think maybe im BRAINDEAD. how about STUPID.

rah i nearly cried just now when i told my mum my marks. she freaked at my geog and my maths and my lit and my english. and you may know how she scolds. no not scold, how about explodes. what the shit. arrgh. I HATE MY LIFE, MYSELF, MY BRAINS AND EVERYTHING.

nothing much to say about the day. except that it sucks and that i realised i was stupid. i was having major mood swings. history was great fun. chloe would make a nice teacher(: thats the highlight of my day.

i am having many paragraphs. funny how i got so much to say on my post and nothing at all for my compo. oh and i did not say any bad words yet. good job. WE'RE THE BEST OF FRIENDS AREN'T WE. FANTASTIC. EVERYDAY ITS SO MUCH FUN. FIGHTING CRAPPING LAUGHING. TOMORROW I HAVE TO BRING FOOD FOR RECESS. ITS NICE IN CLASS. SOMEONE HAVE A PARTY WITH ME. HEH. IM KINDA HIGH NOW. TWO DAYS OF PURE STRESS FREE SHOPPING COMING UP. CANT WAIT(:

i ruin everything
a school dropout

2005-08-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

#73

now i can see
we're drifting apart
i dont know you now
i may not know you ever
talk like there's nothing wrong
but deep inside we all know
we're just a cracked wall
waiting to crumble
and collapse

great day today. thankyou everybody!(: everybody's saying thanks. my twin's the best, say welcome! ahaha. anyway, i think we're all gonna carry on being the bestest friends ever. and we'll be closer than ever before. aint that great? everything's turning out nice and smooth. we say hi to each other! we eat together! yay! we're like the closest friends ever and i thank god for the most wonderful bunch of friends!(: we smile at each other all the time! no matter what has happened, we dont really bother and we forgive each other and behave like nothing has happened. im so stress free now because my friends just make my life complete. without them i will be bored like shit everyday. you know, everyday i come home and i dont have to worry about being alone in school, or worry that this person's not talking to this person. because youre all just great and we just CLICK! i love you all for being so nice to me and to each other! we're inseperable man.

i failed my geography! three cheers for me! i fought for one mark for my science! oh yay! i killed a fish! yayayaayay!

after school just rocked please. had the silly watery mashed potato. stupid aunty dont want to give me replacement. then went to help their group with their science project. me dinny and evil caused the death of a poor little fish. because of our stupidity, the fish suffered a horrible death of being overheated. may he rest in peace. i dumped it in the water which was 50 degrees because we cleverly thought that fishes can adapt to any temperature. the water feels hot! but no the fish wont feel it. because its skin is oh so very thick.(: and then we nearly killed two more fish. one got bloated in the cold water and one got over active in the hot water. screamed many many times. really really stressed. haiyoh. bused to tien hsia for the first time with my buddy. never considered busing before. heh. went late to class cos we didnt want to take ting xie and we were seventeen minutes late. and there was no ting xie. fantastic huh. kao cha sucked. so weird. class ended like forty five minutes late. bought mrs siow's farewell present): then walked to wheelock. had dinner at this nice jap place. so posh. but food was good. had a nice talk with my mummy. like the best ever. in the car also. usually its sitting in silence but today we talked like we were best friends((((: i love my mummy oh so very much.

positive to the point of idealism. well at least someone's happier with the way things turned out.

you piss me off.
you put me off.
you just dont know how
things are supposed to be.
i cant stand the sight of you.
you make me go. urgh.
surprise; i dont like you much

i feel poetic heh. nobody will ever understand how i feel about all this. lets leave it that way.
nostalgia baby.

2005-08-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

I HATE THIS. I REALLY DO. YOU ALL WANT TO FUCK UP YOUR FRIENDSHIP. GO! GO! I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE. JUST GO SCREW YOURSELVES UP. WASTE THE MANY YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP. DO YOU THINK ITS VERY EASY TO FORGE SUCH FRIENDSHIPS?? YOU WANT TO FUCK IT UP. GO AHEAD. DONT DRAG ME IN IT. I DONT WANT TO BE INVOLVED ANYMORE. STOP LEAVING ME STRANDED IN BETWEEN EITHER. YOU THINK ITS VERY EASY? I JUST WANNA QUIT. TALK TO THOSE WHO MAKE ME FEEL STRESS FREE. STOP PILING ALL THIS STRESS ON ME. I'VE TRIED MY BEST. WHY CANT YOU ALL JUST LISTEN. TREAT EVERYTHING LIKE CHILDISH ACTS. INSTEAD OF THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT IT, GETTING SO PISSED ABOUT EVERYTHING. WHY DONT YOU THINK ABOUT HOW TO MAKE PEACE?? NOT WAR!!! IF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WERE LIKE YOU GUYS WE'D BE HAVING A PERPETUAL WAR. OR MAYBE I WANT TO BE INVOLVED. AT LEAST I WOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. I WOULD. I REALLY WOULD. WOULD YOU JUST TRY. NOT ASKING SO MUCH FROM YOU AM I? JUST SAYING A SIMPLE HI. ITS JUST HI BLOODY HELL. LIKE BARELY TAKES YOU ONE OUNCE OF ENERGY. AND HOW ABOUT ADDING A SMILE TO GO ALONG.
BUT NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND. I STRESS MYSELF OUT FOR WHAT. NOTHING. FUCK IT ALL. YOU DONT SEEM TO CARE. SO I SHALL NOT CARE EITHER. but seriously. i would be really really HAPPY if you would try. please.

2005-08-23T15:51:00.000+08:00

Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That�s what I came here to say.
But if I was wrong,
Then I�m sorry,
I don�t let it stand in our way.
As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn�t have done.
But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don�t wanna live it alone.

its just a game. and we lost. so lets RESTART. take another shot at it. we cant just give up on it so easily. you cant win all the time. the important thing is to try again. try your best. dont ever commit the same mistakes as you once did. life's not a smooth paved road leading to nowhere. its a bumpy road and each one of these tribulations make you stronger, make your relationships stronger. if you have a flat tyre along the road, are you just gonna sit there and wait to die? NO. youre gonna change it, to a new, stronger tyre and carry on your journey. you dont hate your car just because of the flat tyre. its spoilt, fix it. you dont discard your car when you have the flat tyre. so we cant let this wonderful friendship go to pieces. sure we all have our faults our wrongdoings. but they equal out. so lets just call it quits.and RESTART. be the CLOSE friends we should be. please? hug and make peace. please?

RAH. today kinda sucked. slack day again actually. mr armstrong so cute! told us the story of THE MAID which was bloody funny even though it was supposed to be scary. science crapped with my twin as usual. but we rock cos even though we never listen like at all, in the end we produced the results. we're really smart. haha. ate jelly during recess. reminds me of the primary school one.(((: then evil was like high. laugh until breathless. breathed like a fish, puff out cheeks, breathe out. then i followed her. money went high too. going on high is simply wonderful. i want to be high everyday. and get higher each day. another problem infested slack day. shall not elaborate much. cos i'll only be stressed. then i'll break down. and anyway. I WANT TO GO HIGH!!(((: HAHA. IM NUCKING FUTS. TOMORROW WILL BE A NUCKING FUTS DAY, BETTER THAN TODAY.

im confused. how did we let it go so out of hand? how did i get caught in the middle? how did i end up so stressed? why do i let myself get so affected by all these things? maybe i should just shut up and forget all about it. maybe only then will there be release. i dont understand many things people do. and maybe im never gonna understand. cos we're different. we have different viewpoints. we have different ways to handle these matters. and we each think we're right. why not learn to see things from other's perspective. try to think of what the other person's thinking. find reasons for his or her actions. maybe then you'll understand better and not just see things from your narrow viewpoint. i dont know actually. i wanna quit.

2005-08-22T16:50:00.000+08:00

LIFE IS A THEATRE
Invite Your Audience Carefully
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life. "If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around." Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts. It's your choice and your life. It's up to you who and what you let in it.

its amazing how things can change over a weekend, a week, a month, a year. i dont know. maybe others around me have changed, or maybe i have changed. somehow, the viewpoint, the state of things are changed somewhat dramatically. for better or worse i dont know. i think its worse for me though. caught in the middle. stress coming everywhere, such that its hard to cope. dont people understand that i really cant manage. i know there are many things expected of me but do lower your expectations. so many choices to make, dfficult decisions. its horrrible. and i know i cannot bear the consequences. besides, i will be on my own. i'll just collapse really. give me a break. give me support. a helping hand. anything. somehow different people give me different kinds of erm, i dont know feelings? hmm. like when im around some people i feel like no stress at all. like as if problems are non existent. but perhaps it might be a tad too idealistic. i need to get back to reality sometimes. thats when some people make me feel as though they're with me through my problems, helping me, supporting me like i aint alone(: then there are those who provide empathy. but that doesnt really help my problems does it. only makes me feel better. for a while. and then there are those who contribute to my problem. sheesh.

i know not what to do anymore.

screwed our presentation today. screwed my oral. kind of. but it was a rather slack day. a problem infested slack day. tomorrow i will be a better person. tomorrow the day will be a better one. for now i need to crap through my chinese.

2005-08-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

make the first move

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

my cousin left this morning. ))): aunty mary was making us pose everywhere for pictures. so weird. next to the beetle, at the gate, at the waiting area, everywhere. it was quite funny at the airport. louise was complaining about being an unaccompanied child. IM NOT WEARING ANY STICKER. IM NOT WEARING ANY TAG. IM JUST GONNA HOLD IT ON MY HAND. in the end there wasnt any sticker. hah. sent her off, hugged goodbye. waved goodbye and left for home. slacked around a lot.

i cant smile a real smile. as usual. people leaving me one by one. bit of an exaggeration but yeah. cannot stand anything anymore. monosyllabic with my parents. or with everybdy actually. havent said much.
circumstances make you feel the way you feel. you cant choose. life isnt so kind.
RAH. where's my confidante.

2005-08-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

Knife
cuts like a knife
how will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded

When I pretend when I smile
to fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
it's just a show
I'm on a stage day or night
through my charades
but how can I disguise
what's in my eyes

i just realised all my posts are freaking depressing these days. how about weeks. i didnt know my life was so awful. hah. and there i am saying in my compo today that when the girl hates her life, she should count her blessings. but i hate my life. okay some parts of it. but i have to be thankful i dont have everything i desire. cos if i did what would there be to look forward to? thats like the positive outlook on life, but im feeling so terribly negative now. you know, there are times you swear that IT WONT EVER HAPPEN AGAIN, but how can you be so sure. chances are, it will. and when it does, the hurt is even greater.

anyway, today we succeeded in our science experiment! yay! ALYSSA AND MOYI!(((: i love my group. we rock! oh and we found a new leaf to make leaf bookmark and in my opinion its better than rubber. soursop. yeah! wrote my compo freaking fast kinda like speed writing. dont know why. after school for like ten minutes were the worst moments. it was like. nobody wanted to talk to me, everybody hated me and the world was against me. so i walked away. sometimes the best thing to do. met my dear cousin at heeren. then we went to far east and shopped like mad. bought lots of things. like on impulse. it was just like. should i get this? yeah you should! and just buy. took neoprints but i dont like the stupid machine. so hello kitty): and there were only like four pictures. but still nice. i like. supposed to leave at 4.45 but we had too many things to see. in the end, took mrt to utd square and looked around some more. i was freaking depressed during maths. just talked a little bit. after that dinner with my cousin. for the last time. arrgh. so many goodbyes. minami ayano louise and soon mrs siow. at least i get to send her off tomorrow. gonna cry. cos she's probably coming back in like two freaking long years time. by which she said her hair would be dyed platinum blonde and she would wear make up all the time. i dont like that much. but who knows what kind of person i would be in two years time. maybe some paikia smoking and taking pot. or maybe like a super bad mood all the time person cos of stress from everything. whatever it is, i know i will change, hopefully for the better.

im so freaking tired. tired of everything. physically tired. just wanna lie down and look at the stars. i miss the stars. and my world would just revolve around me and the stars. and i dont have to think about all these shit ass problems bugging me all the damn time. cant leave me alone. but for now, i have to think. strenuous.(:

2005-08-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

Leave me be I don't wanna argue
I just get confused, and i come all undone
And if i agree, well it's just to appease you
'Cause I don't remember, what we're fighting for

backstage. onstage.

i am thankful for my backstage friends. as the chinese compre passage was talking about today. about the importance of having backstage friends, friends who know you through and thorugh, who accept you for who you are and friends you can be yourself with and dont have to put on your mask. but i still think im a fake. how can you be considered backstage friends if you hide things from each other and all you do is talk crap and do projects with each other? it all seems so. onstage. rahh.

GOODBYE MINAMI AND AYANO!):
i will really really miss them! especially ayano. she really brightens up my day with her cute face and funny actions. now i cant smile so wide when i see her cos im not seeing her EVER AGAIN. for like the REST OF MY LIFE. which is a long long time. and i couldnt even say a proper goodbye to the two of them. owells. it wont quite be the same tomorrow. its just horrible, when you start to get to know someone better and she disappears from your life forever. i could actually talk to ayano today. sing the majulah singapura. her favourite song. and the song in the neoprint machine. cute lah she. cant stand it. see her face i have to smile. didnt really take to minami. but she will still be missed. anyway, took pictures with them after school. then went to j8 with din cat matilda chua shuhui ariele tricia and the two. met bonnie chloe and pat there. ate at mos. at first ayano went to tell the thai express guy we were eating there. but so ex. then very paiseh cos they went to move tables for us. took pictures at mos. ayano and her dear straw.(: took neoprints. eight people squeezed in one machine. but still nice. even though i havent seen them. had to really run to meet my mum cos i was so late. lost track of time. think she's in a pretty good mood, cos i didnt get much scolding. or maybe because i sat there silently absorbing the lecture wthout talking back. and i looked remorseful. and i said sorry many times. heh. this is a good method. meeting my cousin tomorrow! yay!!(: but saturday have to say goodbye to her. for a mighty long time. arrgh. i will be so sad once more. saying goodbye is such a horrible thing. ):

2005-08-16T16:17:00.000+08:00

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told i've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than i could bear

guilt. it sucks to have a conscience actually. really really sucks. cos when you do something bad or when you think of some bad stuff about other people your heart aches like mad. there's probably some conscience part in our hearts that causes pain there when you do something bad. my conscience isnt that active actually. it just causes an extreme amount of pain momentarily. then my head spins. then im kinda over it. but this once, its bad. seriously. i cant believe i actually would do it. and i fear now. but if nothing happens after a while, i'll be okay. i am a sinner. ):

geog was a short one today. short answers everything. learnt so much for what? NOTHING. damn you. me and my twin did silly stuff today. my twin actually(: cracked the whole class up. first cos she went to stare at me like some freak when ratulangi said its so horrible to have someone staring at you. then after that we started sending faces of funny looking guys to everyone around us. people behind and people on the right. then we got sent to the toilet to laugh. then finish laughing then can go back to class. heh. silly us. didnt intend to let ratulangi know but they laughed so loudly.((:

its never really over is it? some day you'll think back and these are the things you'll remember me for. cos they're the memorable ones. i dont know. will you remember me for the crap we talk about? for those little but happy moments? or big fiascos. i make some huge mistakes and mess things up real bad huh. but its the little things that make up our life. i've never really had a big happy thing before. its always small stuff that bring a smile to my face. like, nonsense i do with my twin cum seating partner, everyday there's something. rarely a day goes by where we dont have something to entertain our bored minds. those fights with my poot. havent had them in a really long time. where we fight, shout about everything there is. but it ends happily. talking to my confidante about stuff. i always learn something. listening to my jumping buddy's endless singing. sometimes joining in. sometimes really exasperated. counselling from my wise old man cum paperball. i feel immature but i learn lots. the analogies are great. talking crap, gossiping with my happy family member. just watching her funny actions and stuff. entertainment. and having fun with my dear brother and buddy, gossiping as well. always managing to see the brighter side of things, even problems huh. the mood isnt very happy these days. or maybe this term. time just flew by. there are smiles, laughter but there's something missing. sigh. i dont know what. today was the first time i really laughed. hard.

BEE² INVADED TWOTWO ON 160805(:

2005-08-13T11:03:00.000+08:00

NONONONONNONO. ITS NOT THERE. WHY???
ARRRRRGH. WHERE IN THE HELL IS IT?? I'LL PAY ANYTHING FOR IT. JUST GIVE IT BACK TO ME!
WHY DOESNT ANYBODY CARE FOR IT. WHY DOESNT ANYONE CARE HOW I FEEL. JUST GIVE THE GOD DAMN CAMERA BACK. I DREAMT OF IT THE ENTIRE NIGHT. ALL FUCKING NIGHT. DREAMT OF THE SMS I WOULD GET. A DOZEN SCENARIOS. EACH CLEARLY ETCHED IN MY MIND. THE WORST CAME TRUE. WHAT THE FUCK.

i got an solution to my problem. a somewhat risky one. there'll be a problem resulting from what im gonna do but i can think about that next year. maybe thats why i always get in to shit. cos i underestimate the consequences. what an arse i am. anyway, i dont want to study anymore so i shall post about this week which i was gonna do yesterday but had no bloody mood to. i like using vulgar words freely. it gives me a sort of release and freedom.
110805
i screwed my english essay and my lit essays. cos my brain was too fucked. then after school provided a nice contrast to the morning. had a great time on the bus ride there. had a great time in the tea chapter place. talking a heck lot of crap with the people at my table. had a great time on the bus ride back. i think ayano's really really cute btw.
120805
apart from the multitude of problems that just rushed into my life in the afternoon, the day was actually really fun. went to carnival@marina. i think singapore likes to use a lot of @s. its like they think its really cool or something. like library@orchard. which i admit its cool. but anyway, went on the boat ride which made me dizzy. for a while. the boat stopped at this huge fantastic like warship or something. RSS Endurance. the first deck was cool! like titanic!! me and geraldine were like doing the titanic scene! haha. then took lots of pictures[ i really should not talk about pictures now]. went in saw the driving place, whatever you call it. cockpit? maybe not. anyway, the stairs are bloody narrow. everytime you see in the movies with ships and there are people running down the steps in the ship? i think that is highly impossible. after climbing many more steps we went back on the bumpy boat but the return ride was a hell lot better. the life jacket sucked though. heavy like hell, straining my neck. walked around the place after that. did some face/arm painting. had my face done like a cat. i thought it was supposed to look scary, but somehow i dont think i had that kind of effect on people. wanted badly to go on the fire engine ladder thing. but the queue was too darn long. had a temporary tattoo of guards on my hand. slept on the bus. ahh. isnt it nice to have two seats for myself. lonely there so i slept. went back to school like really early. took a lot of pictures. argh. and then doodled on the board cos i was fucking bored. went for training after that. problem #1 came. problem #2 came a while after.and my life fucked itself.

are you talking about me? say it straight. my life's too screwed to be screwed any further

2005-08-12T21:56:00.000+08:00

i cant take it! arrgh. why must it be like this? its like happy sad happy sad happy sad. why cant it be happy all the way? and stop adding on to my troubles. do you think im not depressed enough? do you think im strong enough to handle more? am i a punching bag? fuck it! screw everything! my life. my future. my present. the people around me. myself.
im sorry for this. i cant help but vent my anger on this. i want to go upstairs and look at the night sky and scream. shout out all my problems. maybe the sky will listen. since i got no one else.

2005-08-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

i'm crying like shit now. what did i do to deserve all this crap? i lost my bloody camera. for the second freaking time? WHY?? why am i such an idiot?? why am i born like this. i just hate myself now. how am i supposed to tell my parents? after i promised them time and agaain that i will take care of it?? just to convince them to buy the camera for me? how the hell are they gonna react? and im such a bitch. i cant believe myself. why in the hell would i do this? im in disbelief at the state of my screwed up life now. i really really cannot take it anymore. problems rushing towards me all at once, like a plague. who do they think i am, some problem-buster? shit. im just human. like my confidante keeps saying, what is it like to feel the razor across your wrist. the blood gushing out. and then youre dead. im tempted. death seems the easier way out.

maybe lying is better. fucking better than the truth. i thought about this so many times. be open with each other? screw that. my life is built of lies. but my lies backfire all the time. why?? is that supposed to teach me not to lie?? but i cant ever learn. can i? cos im such a freaking coward i cant face the consequences of my actions. thats why i always get into so much trouble. and i really never mean for it to happen. honest. or maybe i got that kind of screwed up personality that gets into shit all the time. and this time, its harder to dig myself out of it.)))):

depressed. and dying.

2005-08-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

and then we would talk until late, that kind of rambling searching talk that you can have when you know you have nowhere to go and nothing to prove, the kind of talk you have when you are young and brave and careless, when you have all the time in the world. if the night was clear and the moon bright, we would walk through the wild garden and lie on our backs and look at the stars which were scattered all over the sky, everywhere you looked, we never could believe that there were so many.

ahh. that would be paradise. lying on the grass staring, gazing at the starry night, with no other cares or worries in the world. only you and the stars. and perhaps voices beside you. your friends. having the best conversation in the world. the type you would never ever forget. the type where you would reminisce with fond nostalgia and wished that time had just stopped there. so that you could just talk and never worry that you had to rush for something. that you had to be in time for something. but then again those are only wishes, dreams, stuff that you could only wish for to happen. right now, im stuck here not knowing why i would waste my time coming online at like close to twelve. im really tired out. boring english lesson. cant believe i actually hung around for a good bloody half an hour. time passed pretty quickly walking around, thinking about stuff. its weird when you have all the time in the world you can actually think of really nice meaningful stuff and you can reflect on your actions recently and about people and how they affect you or the parts they play in your life. many parts of course you can do without but some really indispensable. like my group members! ALINE,CHARMAINE,EVLIN,CATHERINE! without you all im going to be is INCOMPLETE! haha(((: we sang that pretty loudly. everyone loved our popcorn!(: heh. and poot arh, keep following me and buddy around, happily eating only. in her own little strawberryland. haha. then took cool guy pictures with my TWIN(: acting as paikias. geraldine and chewy were like posing as our gfs. haha. i think we looked nice as guys(: went prata-ing after that. really nice. then went utd square . bought like three drinks. first time. usually i buy max two. maths was fun!! talk and eat and talk and eat and do a bit of maths also lah. rushed the algebra like kiasu freaks. english as i said. was bloody boring. but i wasnt like falling asleep. which was weird cos usually when im bored i cant keep my eyes open. but anyway. I GET TO SLEEP LATE TOMORROW! AND THE DAY AFTER! which is fantastic cos i do need the rest. its well deserved.

write about a decision you made that you regret. ironical how i got that compo topic. cos there are some decisions that i am still wondering whether it was the right choice or not. i like to think it is. but then of course there are wrong things in my life. things i want to erase. and block out. things that came that i wished never did. i dont know why it just makes me feel better by saying pretty subtle stuff on my blog. its like i have views i dont wish to or cant voice out. so i so very subtly post it on my blog, hoping that you would take the hint, but at the same time, worrying that you would see it and see my subtle hints. but then again. you wont even read my blog. gahh. who cares. subtle is fun. leaves people in the dark.

long long long post. i was tired. now even more tired. good night.

2005-08-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

050805
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT!(:
youre the sweetest, cutest, nicest senior ever! good morning! how was your holiday? hehe. how retarded can you get? what would life be without your cute smackable face, hamtaro, hamster actions and smacking your head?
I LOVE NAT OH SO VERY MUCH!

yesterday i was depressed. so the post a bit dumb. anyway, had loads and loads of fun on friday! there was like three free periods and the rest were really slack. spent CME taking pictures with other people in class! they're really really fun people! so funny. i love my happy family!! played say macaroni with ayano and minami and practically the whole class. ayano won!((: in the end it was ayano against ariele which was really cool cos ariele's her host. I LOVE THE CLASS PLEASE! the people are really really nice. but of course there are those. but anyway. stayed back for project. poot stayed back too. to help us. then went to macs for lunch with chewy and poot. went for class after that. ms chan looks like ayano!!(((:

060805
these few days the dates very nice. tomorrow's gonna be 0708. nice! did project today. actually not really. the rest just came over and slacked at my place. rehearsed like once maybe. evil slept a hell lot. couldnt wake her up hehe. went up to my tsunami rooftop to play taidi. hahaha. then went town with dinny and evil. met poot there. i said mini bits only cos i didnt know the name of the shop we were in.((: bought nat her NICE present. went for a boring class with poot after that. i nearly fell asleep. collected my kao cha after that. stupid buddy arh, get so so so high!!! even beat the top girl in sat class!!(: smarty shit. hmpf.
went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory! its the most retarded show ever. but still great fun. charlie's so so so cute.

YOU, get on my nerves
i just cant stand the sight of, YOU
YOU, drive me insane
i just cant live with, YOU.

we have a secret. and we're not telling

2005-08-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

Night turns to day
And I still have these questions
Bridges will break
Should I go forwards or backwards.
Night turns to day,
And I still get no answers

your razor; my wrist; my tears
for you i bleed myself, dry.

suicide effect. whats it like to die. does your mind go blank? do you cease to think? or are you still around. just not physically. do you go to a place? how do you feel? are you freaked that you're dead?
do you regret doing anything, or not doing anything? you know one day youre gonna have to die but you wake up everyday and you're not prepared for it. so many things you have not done. you think you have plenty of time to do those things. but you dont. life's a fragile thing. one moment you're here, next moment you could be gone. live each day as if preparing to die. wake up each morning and wonder whether youre ready to die. everyday, you wont be.

i always had a hope for better things, that happiness could be repeated, that perfect moments would come again, that there were things always to look forward to.
whats there to look forward to?

that perfect still time, as if all the clocks had stopped and there was nothing to disturb us from our private little world, were almost painful, because i had a conviction that they would never come again, that i had stumbled over a pot of gold and left it behind, something i would never find again. i had a nostalgie, even in the present, for times that would never be so good again
nostalgia. painful.

2005-08-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

HELLO MINAMI AND AYANO!!((:

i wanted to say like welcome to singapore or something but that is so damn weird. anyway. they're really really cute and friendly!!(: dinny's guest minami is so nice. she gave me the scented thing! SO NICE!! I LIKE! yay. school's gonna be really fun with them around. i shall bring my cam everyday and take pictures with them everyday. HAHA. so weird. thursday's supposed to be the worst day of the week but today was very nice. very slack. missed part of maths cos of some honours day mix up. fantastic. english was a bit boring but completed my work anyway and then slacked around in the com lab. me and money did a sit in!! hahaha. so funny sitting on the benches. then ran like hell to be faster than the hock lee bus riots people.((: mrs siow didnt come to class and the history class test was done in groups! so good. rushed it at the end cos i was busy eating cookie and walking around and talking rubbish. then science also pretty fun cos mrs tan was being really nice to the guests, teaching them about the mirror thing. haha. mrs tan so nice!!!(: the damn light stuff is driving me nuts. how come i always cannot get it? anyway, lit was the best please. free period. took pictures with poot in the extra room. standing at the window. so cool. then me za and chewy went to take suicide shots!!((: haha. we even did the retarded L-O-V-E thing. after that we were damn rebellious with lao shi. keep talking back to her. but she was being ridiculous, dont even know how to draw a map still say she's correct. chewy so cool, said that lao shi was old. after school, went to surprise nat with a cake(: stayed back to watch them do their advert. fought with poot. haha. our fight scenes super dramatic. sad lah. i also want to be part of their fighting scene!! then bus-ed home with za.

rachel, its okay. dont think about it too much. CHEER UP. i love you!((:

truth hurts. living in a world of lies and deception, i am both victim and culprit. why so? lies come out so easily now. bare faced. is not telling considered lying? i think thats deceiving. equally bad if not worse. and another thing, is it a lie if it happened but not on the day that the peron asks you? i like to think it is not. but probably it is. because time is secondary. but my conscience feels better. i am immoral

2005-08-02T18:06:00.000+08:00

friends. what does that actually constitute? doing everything together? eating recess together? doing projects with each other? i think these are taken for granted already. like when there calls for a formation of a group, its kind of automatic. but is it because we're all really good friends? or because its become a habit? or because we have no other group? friendship is not defined by spending every breathing moment with each other, doing every project together, eating recess with ach other every single bloody day. sometimes you do need a break. but just being able to know each other, understand each other, and accept each other's shortcomings. and i guess being able to hold a conversation for as long as it takes. thats why friends can be called friends. are we friends?
i just wanted to reply. felt troubled reading. a bit late but still there.

our english project is coming up nicely. except that we have no suitable clothes to wear. school is increasingly boring. really driving me nuts each day. and she could still say, now i know you all sit there waiting for my lesson to end. i have the urge to scream. at her. i got to think positive. like
tomorrow- P.E. early day. gonna do project after school at chewy's house. which will be fun.
thursday- our presentation, get to watch presentations, relieved of one project. get some free periods.
friday- nat's birthday. kinda slack day. end of the week. start of a pretty long and much needed break.
sounds good. oh yeah.

2005-07-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

sitting in silence
i wonder what to say
my mind's in a whirl
i wonder what youre thinking about
when will the storm pass

my buddy is ever so retarded!((: my gosh. I LOVE EVLIN LIM! star-face. so cute lah. put the star cushion over her face. i'll post the picture soon.me twin and buddy were laughing like mad. it was seriously funny. anyway yesterday did lots of writing. i ate honey stars with milo for recess. damn nice! PC and ME bored me like hell. nearly died of boredom. except for the movie, pay it forward. it was really really very nice but didnt manage to finish it. i am so getting the dvd. at night went for drama night! it was really very funny and entertaining. the ELDDS girls are such naturals please. and the story is so scandalous! haha. evlin stayed over cos the next day we had to do project. this morning chewy dinny and cathy came over super early. i was barely awake. had a hell of a time, eating popcorn with chocolate, strawberry, banana, cheese. it tasted fantastic! took pictures with the popcorn. so style! our brochure and powerpoint looks really nice! all thats left is our script. i feel so accomplished. went to watch fantastic four. its so nice! jessica alba is HOTHOTHOT. and chris evans is way cute. damn i love the show.

i shall stop thinking about negativity. positivity. positive. positive. focus.
get things right. please.

2005-07-28T20:51:00.000+08:00

blame me
fiasco
blame me
everythings gone all wrong
blame me
silence
blame me.
i dont know what to do. my thoughts confused. jumbled. words cant describe the mess i feel.

two free periods today. did real work. im turning over a new leaf. HAHA. tricia notices! have to buck up. be more serious. i think im halfway there only. cos i did my maths while crapping with evil and listening to her singing. after school did our science project which was to put it nicely, a mess. all our leaves were burnt, charred. the smell was insanely bad. only za's leaf barely worked. the lab assistants were pretty nice. getting everything for us, even the procedure. but had to go pluck leaves ourselves. went with mo and got a hairy one and a smelly one. HAHA.

no mood now.
mood-less
thinking
and just thinking.
i confuse myself.

2005-07-27T19:21:00.000+08:00

270705
pretty good day. like the best this week. me and twin were playing with white glue the whole day. painting our nails. HAHA. so fun. looked like nail polish. oh oh and,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LI TING! i love the way you never fail to crack me up!
it was really cool cos kristyn baked a brownie for her. so nice!!! and we put candles on a paper cos jiamin so silly buy candles without the base. ahaha. the brownie was great!! kristyn's a fantastic cook!!(:
and then i did my science work so diligently with tricia the cutie pie!! we work well together!haha. then after school was really fun. went to taka with my buddy and ate the really nice jap noodles with egg and tomato sauce. damn nice but i couldnt finish. and i could smell my chopsticks. which was horrible. went to the library after that. actually went to look for the library. cos my dear buddy couldnt remember where it was, found it anyway. library@orchard is so cool. borrowed two books. for the first time in like many many years. i felt so intellectual carrying my books around. hahaha. went to the brownie factory!! oh god. its like heaven, seeing all the chocolate. bought the triple chocolate one which is very very good. everybody should go and eat one. went to buy water which was so funny. cos i left my brownie in watsons on top of the condoms. HAHAHA. so malu!! my buddy keep laughing at me some more. i felt so freaking stupid. of all places why the condoms right. headed for heeren after that. i saw a FREAKING NICE BAG FROM MAMBO! ITS BLACK WITH GREEN AND BLUE AND ITS REALLY REALLY NICE!! AND ITS 79 BUCKS! i so want it. then i saw a really nice BLACK AND PINK ADIDAS JACKET! but it was form the limited edition shop, so would be damn ex i guess. but its really really nice too! i want both! they're gonna be on top of my wishlist. yeah anyway bought my ear sticks and went to see evil's myuk wallet. very nice! i like too! grey and pink. great combination. then went for class cos we were gonna be late. on the way some people called evil from across the road then my half blind buddy cannot see cos she never wear her specs. so cute bending down and squinting her eyes. HAHAHA. then i completely humiliated myself at john littles. i think there was like powder on the floor and i SLIPPED AND FELL COS I WAS RUNNING. and everybody saw. pain lah my butt now. got blue black. fell near a group of people then they were like so shocked. it was so so so embarrassing. my goodness cant believe it actually happened. had a pretty okay class. got 88 for ting xie which is not too bad considering that i didnt study. after class took a walk to orchard mrt with buddy. then we went home.

good day.
and i cant wait for friday! its gonna be a fun night!
YAYAYAY. but i still dont feel all too fantastic. wonder why.

2005-07-26T16:48:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

i love this song. great for that type of day. for any type of day. so good. i love daniel powter.
i had a bad day.
bad feeling stirring in me. not that sort where you think something bad is gonna happen. the sort where you know something bad has happened and you dont know what to do. at all. i finally know what a heavy heart means. its weighing me down. i cant take it. im gonna collapse too soon. I NEED A BLUE SKY HOLIDAY.
im becoming someone i hoped and prayed and wished i never would be. what the fuck. im sick and tired.
how to screw up your life. ask me.

2005-07-21T17:39:00.000+08:00

feels really tired.
exhausted.
right shoulder's aching.
really badly.
because of graphs and other things.

ms chong does not rock so much anymore. scold scold scold. what the hell's wrong? got caught today. me and dinny! ooh. she's my twin! haha. anyway, she saw me writing and saw dinny erasing. but dinny bluff her say she was asking me about maths. so funny. she actually believed. we were writing on the table some more. with a big word IRRITATING there. unbelievably lucky. science sucked. did the damn light thing the whole entire two periods. lit mr armstrong was damn funny. analysing nursery rhymes. just realised how depressing they all actually are. horrible things, nursery rhymes.

played the paper ball with rachel during lunch! hahaha. couldnt play properly. the ball went downstairs twice and eventually ended up in the oily drain. had to throw away. sad. but so fun. running up and down.

played with plasticine during CL. kristyn make the char siew pau damn nice! i wanted to eat. HAHAHA. then got bikini, spaghetti, za's ugly fishballs and a lot more. so nice. i like the cai yi CL. so fun.

sorry for mood swinging today): downright terribly sorry.

AND HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY MOYI!
your birthday message comes tomorrow(:

2005-07-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

HARRY POTTER!!! GRAHH.
im going to cry myself to sleep tonight. because harry potter is so sad! i am so overwhelmed with emotions i have to blog about it. so if you havent read the book just X off this page NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!

i cant believe dumbledore died! this is like the worst thing that can EVER EVER happen in harry potter world. except harry dying of course. but how can he die!!! my god. i so wanted to kill Stupid Severus Snape!! he bloody murdered dumbledore! he should be sent to askaban to rot his miserable life away because he just killed off the nicest guy in the book! I SO HATE HIM. and i hate mr draco malfoy too. cos he started the nonsense. and in this book he becomes like so piteous i actually felt a tiny bit of pity for him. but that disappeared when he caused dumbledore to die!! ahh. how could he do that! and harry broke up with ginny!! ahh. just when i was like so pleased and rejoicing when he kissed her, they broke up!! because harry thinks they will kill her if she is with him. how very noble. how very saddening for me. i cry arh. and they broke up like a bit after dumbledore died. im human you know. i can only handle that much tragedy in such a short time. at first i thought that the book was becoming like some teenage love story. break ups, snog fests, everything. like ron was snogging lavender like nobody's business. disgusting. anyhow, the book is GREAT WONDERFUL FANTASTIC. better than the order of the phoenix. but i think i wasted forty bucks, cos i finished it in like one stupid day. like i could resist waiting another day. i'll read it again, to make it more worth it. but i shall skip all the depressing parts. hah. i dont like jk rowling. its so not a feel good book. its a feel depressed book. how about feel completely depressed book. the couples in the book are like so mismatched. like, ron and lavender, bill and fleur, ginny and dean, tonks and lupin!! but harry and ginny make a GREAT couple, except that he's like, too self sacrificing.

I AM LOVING HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE! ((((((((:

2005-07-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINNY!!
everything i wanted to say is in the letter. but actually there's part two. cos the postcard's too small!((: anyway. i wanted to thank you for all the years we've known each other and all the happy times we've shared! from eating in class, getting caught, doing rubbish in the science lab, being cheapskate at the food fair, crapping during lessons about teachers, being late for history, passing notes, coffee club, tissue rose etc etc. really incredible. we had so much fun together. i hope things will always always remain like this and that all we would have at the end of this journey are happy memories. I LOVE DINNY CHAN! my fellow CHAN! CHANS ROCK! haha. anyway,
I LOVE DINNY
FOR BEING SO RETARDED. ALWAYS.
FOR ALWAYS CHEERING ME UP
FOR BEING THERE FOR ME
FOR MAKING ME LAUGH AND SMILE
FOR BRIGHTENING UP MY DAY
FOR BEING MY FRIEND
FOR BEING DINNY CHAN!!
ahh. i love you so very much! (((:
love, juicy chan

MIXED FEELINGS. thats how i would describe today. i really went through everything. from happy to sad to guilty to moody to angry. mostly guilt actually. it started off pretty well. dinny's birthday and all. gave her the 'you are my sunshine cookie' actually it was just the sticker. but anyway. lessons were not bad. really slack. cathechism, chinese was damn slack, just listening to her talk about her oral, then a really tiring PE. recess. gave dinny a surprise cake!!! damn cool. bluffed her that lao shi wanted us in class early to give out something. haha. then geog, the stupid bitch didnt come!! woots. i was damn happy!! then science slack also cos mrs tan talked about our subj combi. super super slack day please. i cant even believe it. after school went for lunch at burger king, came back waited for chewy then went to taka with 7 others cos the rest couldnt make it.the food fair was great!!!me and dinny went around looking for free food. haha. ate like apple with chocolate caramel sauce, sausage, ice cream, those sotong balls, and drank white tea again! the stupid woman didnt want to give us free soya bean even though me and dinny stood there for so long. idiot. haha. then went to heeren where this erm, weird thing happened. i think i sort of over reacted, which is quite silly thinking about it now. but anyway, dont know how to put it. then went cine and took really really nice neoprints!! REALLY NICE!!!
then did some terrible stuff, had hell at home. and now overwhelmed with guilt. i feel horrible. honestly. god save me from this torment. i know i deserve it but do you have to make the retribution this bad? hate this. really.

2005-07-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY I HAD EVER SINCE SCHOOL STARTED.
but school wasnt fun at all. was seriously tired, slept a lot during d and t. very bored the whole day because my dear buddy aline chan went for competition. btw, im really sorry for not being able to go out with you to celebrate tomorrow. really really sorry. i feel damn guilty. my buddy's birthday and i cant even celebrate with her. i suck please.anyway, AFTER SCHOOL! went to see my dear cousin from uk whom i havent seen in FIVE LONG YEARS. so chio!! and really nice! ate lunch first then went to heeren to shop. walked the whole store. she bought like so many many things. im damn jealous. cos my mummy treat her. haha. anyway, took pretty neoprints!!!((((: it was like really funny cos we didnt understand anything and didnt know how to draw the stuff. but it was still nice! then walked to isetan scotts where my mummy so very generously bought her THREE belts. ahhhhh. i am so freaking jealous. but she said she would share with me. haha. went back home admire my house for a while. and went for dinner. very tired by that time. in the end had to say goodbye. so so so sad. ahhh. i want to cry already. hugged for the longest time. hope she comes back here for a longer time after her working stint in kuching. international working experience. haha really funny. then can go shopping again! and take neoprints. but this time i'll be smarter. if not dont know when i'll see her next. five years time maybe?? thats a long long time.
sad sad. but had a like fab time. best time i had in ages. how i wish time could like, pause there. or i could rewind. but sadly it cant.

2005-07-11T17:36:00.000+08:00

terrible day today))): had a super long assembly. so many prizes. congrats rachel and joy! then after that EP. did nothing i suppose. just sit down and slack for two periods. the art. oh shit. the most terrible i ever felt the entire day. we did so much work for what? we worked our asses off till like 12 midnight on sunday for what? we did our board so nicely for what? to be criticised like shit for being messy. its called STYLE you arsehole. and now we have to freaking REDO the damn board. does he know how much effort was put into the damn board and presentation? and all he can say is 'good good'. i mean i dont care if he says its good. the main point is that its so lousy we have to redo. WHATEVER YOU ASSHOLE. not professional enough. we're fourteen for goodness sake, how professional can we get?
I LOVE OUR PRESENTATION AND OUR BOARD. whatever he has to say about it.
anyway, stayed in the toilet for so long until was late for history. malu. had to stand in front of the class. somebody still can laugh at us some more. mean lah. but quite funny actually. then stupid dinny got the qn correct can sit down. hmpf. left me and chewy there. i very sad already lah. still do this to me. then geog. wasted a lot of time choosing groups for some shit ass presentation. so was pretty much a depressing slack day.
went to watch nationals at CCK stadium again. everyone did super well! especially the sprinters. c and b div qualifed for finals!! yeah! the throwers missed by a bit to qualify lah. damn saddening. but did well! went home and i realised i havent eaten anything the whole entire day. and im not the least bit hungry. maybe cos of pigging out last night. ate like instant noodles, french toast, ham, pancake omelette, fried rice, spare ribs and coke float. insane.
GOOD LUCK DINNY CHAN FOR 1500M TOMORROW!! hope you can get your personal best!(((: i'll be supporting you all the way!
BYE CHUA AND MATILDA! WILL MISS YOU VERY MUCH. enjoy yourselves in japan, lucky things.
while im here in SG sad and depressed. bloody hell.